Meth Lab Accidentally Invents New Mountain Dew Flavor

April 24, 2026 at 3:28 pm
Satanic Temple Offers Free Childcare, Becomes #1 Rated Daycare in Town
April 24, 2026
Dog Elected Sheriff After Locals Admit “Better Than the Last Guy”
April 23, 2026
Porn Star Launches Tech Startup, Immediately Valued Higher Than Twitter
April 23, 2026
Punk Zine Printed on Toilet Paper, Readers Call It “Best Issue Yet”
April 22, 2026
SATURDAY, APRIL 25, 2026
THIS FEELS PERSONAL
VOL. 2026 • NO. 115
126 Articles • 3 Featured Stories
Data Underground
Updated 10:54 AM

Elon Musk Launches Rocket Full of His Own Nudes “For Science”

In a move that shocked even the most seasoned space enthusiasts, Elon Musk's SpaceX today launched a Falcon Heavy rocket filled with nude photographs of the billionaire himself. The payload, humorously dubbed 'Mission Full Exposure,' was sent skyward from Cape Canaveral as Musk asserted it was a revolutionary leap for scientific advancement in the field of interstellar eroticism. As the thrusters ignited, onlookers couldn't help but speculate whether Musk had finally lost touch with Earth's gravitational pull or just his sanity.According to an official statement from SpaceX, the provocative payload is intended to study 'the effects of high-altitude exposure on human confidence...


UFOs Refuse to Land Until Earth Pays Its Bar Tab

In a shocking revelation today, September 24, 2025, representatives from the Galactic Alcohol Trade Commission (GATC) announced that UFO sightings have dramatically declined because extraterrestrial visitors are refusing to land until Earth's bar tab is settled. The tab, reportedly accrued at cosmic speakeasies across multiple galaxies, includes charges for zero-gravity tequila shots and interstellar lap dances. Major cities like Los Angeles, New York, and Wichita have been hit hardest by the reduction in alien tourism, causing both celebration and concern. According to an intergalactic memo intercepted by NASA's cybersecurity team, the aliens have filed an official grievance stating,...



Trump Buys More Time and Flowers for Putin, Promises to Call Him “Soon as I Get Home”

Bouquet of flowers on a diplomatic desk with a phone in the background
A close-up shot of a diplomatic desk with a vibrant bouquet of flowers sitting next to a concealed landline phone—implying a skipped call.

WASHINGTON - In a move both bewildering and oddly poetic, former President Donald Trump has reportedly secured "more time" for Vladimir Putin - and tossed in a bouquet of flowers, just because. The gesture, officials say, is “less about diplomacy and more about D.C.-style charm,” encapsulated perfectly by Trump’s vow to “give Putin a ring as soon as I land at Mar‑a‑Lago.” Insider sources describe the...

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