UFOs Refuse to Land Until Earth Pays Its Bar Tab

February 8, 2026 at 11:00 am
Canada, Mexico Leaders to Meet in September – Mostly to Avoid Talking to the U.S.
February 7, 2026
Trump Buys More Time and Flowers for Putin, Promises to Call Him “Soon as I Get…
February 7, 2026
Altman: Grads Will Land Dream Jobs in Space – Mostly Janitorial
February 6, 2026
Gates Predicts Two-Day Workweek Within a Decade – Experts Call It ‘A Part-Time Job’
February 6, 2026
SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 8, 2026
TIME HAS LOST ALL MEANING
VOL. 2026 • NO. 39
77 Articles • 3 Featured Stories
Data Underground
Updated 9:09 PM

North Korea Removing Propaganda Loudspeakers in Border Areas Amid Efforts to Ease Tensions

North Korean soldiers removing propaganda loudspeakers near the border, replacing them with disguised missile launchers.
North Korean troops swap blaring loudspeakers for missile launch systems under the guise of peace.

SEOUL - South Korean intelligence officials confirmed today that North Korea has begun dismantling its decades-old network of propaganda loudspeakers along the Demilitarized Zone, a move Pyongyang says is part of a “new chapter” in inter-Korean relations. The towering speaker banks, which once blared patriotic anthems and denunciations of Seoul, are being removed under what state media calls a “peaceful modernization initiative.” However, satellite imagery released this morning by a Japanese think tank suggests the loudspeakers are being quietly replaced with missile launch canisters disguised as public address systems. The report claims the new devices are capable of broadcasting both music and mid-range ballistic payloads “on demand.” One defector, who once worked in the DPRK’s Psychological Broadcasting Unit,...


IRS Launches New App That Tells You How Screwed You Are

On August 12, 2025, the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) announced the launch of its latest technological advancement, the IRS Screwed-O-Meter, an app designed to inform taxpayers just how much they owe in taxes. Interestingly, the app also predicts when youâll be visited by a friendly neighborhood tax collector riding a unicycle, creating a sense of urgency that hasnât been felt since the Great Recession. According to a leaked memo from...


Entire Country of Liechtenstein Accidentally Rented Out on Airbnb for Long Weekend

A picturesque view of Liechtenstein's mountains
The breathtaking landscape of Liechtenstein, perfect for yodeling enthusiasts.

In an unprecedented turn of events, the tiny European nation of Liechtenstein found itself listed as an available rental on Airbnb last Friday, drawing the attention of adventurous travelers worldwide. The listing, which described the country as a ‘charming getaway with stunning mountain views and an all-you-can-eat chocolate buffet,’ was posted by a rogue algorithm on the platform just moments before it was scheduled to launch its annual yodeling festival. According to a leaked memo from the Ministry of Tourism, officials were initially baffled but quickly embraced the situation. “We’ve always wanted to increase our visibility,” said...


Streaming Giant Launches New Tier Where Shows Pause Every 15 Minutes to Ask If You’d Like To Upgrade

A surreal depiction of a television with a pause button and upgrade prompts
An artistic representation of the absurdity of streaming services prompting upgrades mid-show.

In a bold move that has sent shockwaves through the entertainment industry, StreamingCo announced on October 12, 2023, that its new subscription tier will require users to pause their favorite shows every 15 minutes to contemplate a potential upgrade. This decision follows the company's recent acquisition of a time-traveling algorithm, which purportedly allows them to predict viewer dissatisfaction before it occurs. The announcement came during a press conference filled with colorful holograms and the faint scent of popcorn. CEO Jane Doe stated, 'We believe this will enhance viewer engagement by forcing them to...


Livestream to Reveal ‘Shadow Layer’ in GPT-5 Capabilities

ChatGPT interface on laptop during livestream
Laptop screen showing GPT-5 livestream countdown

SAN FRANCISCO - OpenAI announced a public livestream next Thursday to explain what GPT-5 means for ChatGPT users, promising “back-stage” context on new reasoning and safety features. Internal calendars reviewed by Data Underground show rehearsal blocks labeled “demo, guardrails, Q&A” and a contingency slide titled “If the model explains itself too much.” The company says the session will cover performance gains, enterprise controls, and “how we think about capability disclosure in a world that changes...


Pentagon Confirms UFO Sighting, Says Craft Politely Used Turn Signals Before Disappearing

A UFO with turn signals
An artistic depiction of a UFO using turn signals in a serene California sky.

In a stunning revelation on October 15, 2023, the Pentagon confirmed that a UFO was sighted near the coast of California, with eyewitnesses reporting that the craft utilized turn signals before vanishing into thin air. This sighting, occurring just after an unexpected flash mob of synchronized swimmers performed a routine nearby, has left experts baffled yet strangely charmed. According to a...


Hacker Collective Accidentally Secures Internet While Pranking Google

On August 12, 2025, the notorious hacker collective known as 'The Digital Collective' inadvertently locked down the entire internet while attempting to prank Google by replacing their search results with images of dancing cats. Witnesses claim the prank escalated quickly when the group realized they had unintentionally triggered a series of security protocols that locked out billions of users and froze the world's cat memes in a state of perpetual buffering. According to a leaked memo from the International Cybersecurity Coalition, the Collective' action was dubbed 'Operation Fluffy Lockdown.' A spokesperson, who wished to remain anonymous, stated,...


Congress Passes Bill Mandating All Laws Be Written in Comic Sans to ‘Increase Relatability’

Congress members deliberating over a document in Comic Sans font
A humorous depiction of Congress members discussing new legislation written in Comic Sans, with exaggerated expressions of confusion and amusement.

In a move hailed by supporters as a “bold step toward a more approachable democracy,” Congress has passed H.R. 5472, officially requiring all federal legislation to be drafted and published exclusively in Comic Sans. The bill, championed by Senator John Fetterman (D-PA) and Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) in a rare bipartisan effort, sailed through both chambers late last night after weeks of tense debate. Proponents argue that the shift will “humanize” dense legal documents, making them less intimidating to the average American. President Biden is expected to sign the bill into law this afternoon during a Rose Garden ceremony featuring cupcakes and...

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