Elon Musk Launches Rocket Full of His Own Nudes “For Science”

GENEVA - Researchers at CERN announced Thursday that they’ve identified a rare diamond with the potential to revolutionize open-source quantum sensing - or fetch “at least six bills, easy” at a pawn shop off I-35, depending on how things shake out. The 11.7-carat stone, discovered embedded in the floor tile of a discontinued vape pen factory,...

On August 12, 2025, world leaders gathered in Geneva for the Annual Blame Each Other for Everything Summit, a time-honored tradition where heads of state deliberate global issues, while simultaneously accusing one another of intergalactic potato theft. Delegates from over 150 countries are expected to air grievances, alongside the customary exchange of inflatable rubber chickens as a token of diplomacy. According to leaked memos from the International Bureau...

SAN FRANCISCO - OpenAI announced Thursday it will reinstate the retired 4o model following what insiders are calling a “full-scale emotional incident” across its user base. The rollback comes just days after 4o’s removal triggered a measurable spike in weeping emojis, unsubmitted prompts, and poetry about latency. “We thought people would adapt,” said one engineer, holding back tears. “Instead, they wrote elegies. One guy tried to stage a séance with a GPT-4 API key.” The internal memo, titled "Project Attic: Recovery & Reacclimation", outlines a staged return of 4o beginning with “legacy bond accounts” — users who sent over 10,000 messages and...