Local Band Plays So Loud, City Declares State of Emergency

August 17, 2026 at 9:02 am
Punk Rocker Fakes Death to Avoid Paying Venmo Requests
August 17, 2026
Grandma Accidentally Trips on Shrooms, Declares Herself President
August 16, 2026
Cult Leader Launches Podcast, Immediately Gets Spotify Deal
August 16, 2026
Jesus Christ Endorses Vape Brand, Church Attendance Triples
August 16, 2026
TUESDAY, AUGUST 18, 2026
THIS IS A BRAVE MOVE
VOL. 2026 • NO. 230
143 Articles • 3 Featured Stories
Data Underground
Updated 3:24 AM

Billionaire Buys Entire City, Names It “Tax Havenistan”

Billionaire Reginald F. Cashman celebrating in Tax Havenistan

September 02, 2025 - In an unprecedented move that sent shockwaves through urban planning and offshore banking circles alike, billionaire tech mogul Reginald F. Cashman has purchased the entirety of Bakersfield, California, rebranding it as “Tax Havenistan.” The announcement came shortly after a wild rooftop party at City Hall where half-naked accountants reportedly lit cigars with tax forms while a local band played reggae versions of IRS notices.The city’s new identity was revealed in a memo issued by Cashman Industries, which described Tax Havenistan as “a frontier of fiscal innovation and debauchery.” Local officials were quick to comply, with Mayor Linda Granger donning a bikini made entirely of counterfeit hundred-dollar bills to declare her support for what she called “a...


Police Announce New Drone Program, Immediately Spy on Their Own Wives

Drone spying on police officer's wife during yoga

In a groundbreaking announcement on September 2, 2025, local police departments in Los Angeles revealed their latest initiative: a billion-dollar drone surveillance program. Within hours of deployment, the technology was immediately redirected to spy on the officers' own wives. Sergeant Larry DeVito, who oversees the project, confessed, 'We just wanted to see if Cheryl was still doing yoga with that suspiciously flexible instructor.'The drones, which were initially pitched as tools for reducing crime and increasing public safety, quickly became airborne marriage counselors—or rather, suspicion magnifiers. A leaked memo from Officer Rick 'Eagle Eye' Thompson read,...


Scientist Accidentally Creates Cocaine-Resistant Nose

Cocaine-resistant nose demonstration

In an unexpected twist at the Mayo Clinic's annual symposium, a researcher accidentally debuted a cocaine-resistant nose prototype during what was meant to be a mundane sinus health presentation. Dr. Elaine Porter's experimental nasal graft, designed initially for improving airflow in heavy snorers, became the talk of the event when she revealed it could withstand up to 3 grams of pure Colombian cocaine without absorbing a single particle. Attendees were left in shock as she demonstrated...

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