Woman Marries Microwave, Files for Divorce After It “Burned Her”

In a stunning development on October 15, 2023, Antarctica's largest ice shelf, known as the Ross Ice Shelf, reportedly gained sentience and declared independence from the rest of the world. Scientists at the Antarctic Research Center in McMurdo Station were taken aback when the ice structure, which is roughly the size of France, began sending messages via a series of intricate ice quakes that resembled Morse code, demanding equal representation at the United Nations. According to a leaked memo from the International Ice Council (IIC), the Ross Ice Shelf has firmly stated, “We will no longer remain passive observers...

On August 12, 2025, Coca-Cola made headlines as it revealed that its much-hyped new beverage flavor, 'Crisp Cascade,' was nothing more than glorified tap water. The announcement, made during a live-streamed press conference from Atlanta, Georgia, was accompanied by an oddly cheerful tap dance performance by the CEO, who claimed it was a 'refreshing twist' on their traditional offerings. In a leaked memo from...

On August 12, 2025, the small town of Quirkville, USA, was abuzz with excitement as the premiere of the documentary 'Reviewing Reviews' captivated audiences. Directed by renowned filmmaker Lisa Gibbons, the film delves into the lives of individuals who dedicate their existence to critiquing documentaries. However, it wasnât just the insightful commentary that caught viewers off guard; mid-screening, a holographic cat began to debate the merits of documentary filmmaking, leaving many questioning the premise of reality itself. The Quirkville Film Commission released a statement claiming that the holographic cat, named Paws McCritique, was an intentional addition designed to give the documentary a...

In a startling development on October 15, 2023, the cybercrime collective known as 'The Ghosts of Browsing Past' announced a demand for $50 million in Bitcoin to prevent the restoration of millions of users' deleted browser histories. The group claims to have infiltrated major tech companies, including a rumored breach of NASA's long-abandoned internet search archives, allowing them access to, among other things, the last known search queries for several prominent political figures. According to a leaked memo from the International Cybersecurity Agency, the hacker group has threatened to release sensitive data, including historical searches for 'how to...

AMSTERDAM — Launching what it calls “a revolution in connected intimacy,” Lovense unveiled its new Gemini Nipple Clamps last week, promising synchronized stimulation through advanced haptic feedback and real-time app control. The product rollout was met with enthusiasm — until a firmware update accidentally linked the devices to Amsterdam’s municipal traffic light control network. According to early reports, the integration glitch occurred when developers reused an API key from a decommissioned smart crosswalk project. As a result, wearers across the city began experiencing synchronized pulses that coincided with red-light cycles. “It was thrilling at first,” said one anonymous beta tester, “but rush hour was… overwhelming.” City officials scrambled to disconnect the devices from the network after a spike in...

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA — Google confirmed late Tuesday that a large-scale cyberattack compromised the personal data of millions of users, including emails, passwords, and location histories. While the breach is serious, security experts are baffled by a secondary theft: thousands of half-finished AI-generated jokes pulled from the company’s internal humor model. Sources inside Google say the unfinished quips range from “Why did the toaster refuse to…” to “Three ducks walk into a server room and…” — each cut off mid-sentence. One engineer described the stolen cache as “a comedic neutron bomb, dangerous in the wrong hands.” Cybersecurity analysts warn that if the jokes are completed and weaponized, they could...

On August 12, 2025, in a surprising turn of events, the National Security Agency announced that it has officially graded American citizens on their life choices due to overwhelming boredom. The announcement came during a routine press conference where NSA Director William Jones humorously suggested that the agency had inadvertently developed a penchant for scoring the breakfast choices of citizens, especially those who opt for kale smoothies over bacon. In a leaked memorandum from the Bureau of Citizen Life Evaluation (BCLE), it was revealed that the NSA has implemented a new algorithm, codenamed Project Breakfast,...

On August 12, 2025, a team of neuroscientists at the Institute for Advanced Political Studies in Washington, D.C., announced the discovery of a fourth political axis they dubbed 'Shrugcore.' This revelation came as a shock to many, particularly when it was revealed that the initial research was inspired by a viral TikTok featuring dancing cats in business suits. According to a leaked memo from the Department of Social Dynamics, the Shrugcore axis represents a new ideological spectrum where practitioners express indifference towards major political issues while simultaneously advocating for mandatory nap breaks during legislative sessions. Dr. Emily Fargus, one of the lead researchers, stated, âWeâve found that a profound lack of...