Punk Band Records Album in Gas Station Bathroom, Wins Grammy

In an unprecedented move that's left both astrophysicists and the porn industry flabbergasted, Silicon Valley billionaire tech mogul Elon Barf today finalized his purchase of the Moon. By sentence two of his press release, Barf detailed his intentions to list it on Airbnb for "intimate getaways with an extraterrestrial view." The announcement sent shockwaves through Wall Street, not unlike that time he accidentally tweeted "Doge to Uranus" during a conference call."The Moon is a natural extension of my vision to disrupt...

In a bizarre turn of events, a man has been permanently banned from the Petco in San Francisco after allegedly corrupting the store's parrots with anti-cop rhetoric while simultaneously trying to sell them illicit seed infused with CBD oil. Customers were left agape as the birds began chanting “ACAB” and demanding legal representation like tiny feathery anarchists with a penchant for public disturbances. The scene unfolded faster...

A time traveler clad in only a threadbare Nickelback concert tee and a strategically placed condom materialized in Times Square today, ranting about a future plagued by the band's reunion tour. This bizarre spectacle unfolded just steps from a group of nuns fundraising for endangered ferrets, causing the holy sisters to abandon their table in a flurry of rosaries and pamphlets. Bystanders could only gape as the traveler declared that the 2050 comeback show would incite a riot of apocalyptic proportions, fueled by a mix of nostalgic...