Aliens Ghost Humanity After First Date at Applebee’s

In a groundbreaking revelation today from Boulder, Colorado, a local man named Trevor Sanderson reported that an intense session with LSD led to a mystical encounter where he allegedly conversed with God. In a twist of celestial irony, divine sources have indicated that God has now decided to block Sanderson's number due to excessive messages. Witnesses claim they saw Trevor at Pearl Street Mall shouting about eternal truths while simultaneously debating whether Jesus would look better in Birkenstocks or Nikes.Sanderson insists that during his psychotropic experience, God appeared in a shimmering cloud of vape smoke and offered unsolicited advice on cryptocurrency investments. “He was really adamant about diversifying my...

In a shocking turn of events this past Saturday night, a local punk rock aficionado was apprehended at a Nashville Waffle House after inciting a full-fledged mosh pit within the confines of the breakfast joint. Patrons were caught off guard as greasy hash browns flew through the air like projectile missiles amidst a cacophony of clattering plates and guttural screams. Witnesses claim that the incident...

WASHINGTON - In a move both bewildering and oddly poetic, former President Donald Trump has reportedly secured "more time" for Vladimir Putin - and tossed in a bouquet of flowers, just because. The gesture, officials say, is “less about diplomacy and more about D.C.-style charm,” encapsulated perfectly by Trump’s vow to “give Putin a ring as soon as I land at Mar‑a‑Lago.” Insider sources describe the floral offering as a strategic pivot away from his being in the Epstein...