Porn Star Becomes Mayor, Declares Fridays Official “Nude Day”

In a Cleveland bathroom, local punk guitarist Tommy 'Tatters' Thompson awoke Tuesday morning, convinced that the porcelain tub he found himself in was not just a temporary resting place after another night of heavy drinking, but his new permanent residence. Thompson, who performs with the band “The Sneaky Ferrets,” reportedly told authorities he had secured a five-year lease with the rubber duck floating beside him as his notary.Police Chief Randy Marshall confirmed that they were called to investigate a disturbance but found only Thompson sitting comfortably, humming punk anthems while using a loofa as a microphone. 'He insisted that the...

Residents of Salina, Kansas woke up to an unexpected visitor early this morning when a UFO landed smack dab in the middle of a wheat field. The extraterrestrial craft, described by eyewitnesses as "a shiny metallic donut with a penchant for probing," immediately drew attention—not least because it unleashed an audio-visual display featuring the Bee Gees’ greatest hits. Local farmer Daryl Jenkins reported, "I was just about to milk Bessie when this thing came down like it was looking to start a rave or something." Within minutes, however, the craft took off again as if realizing its egregious miscalculation.Dr. Linda Caldwell of NASA's 'We Swear This Is Science' Division confirmed...

In a shocking twist to local childcare options, the Satanic Temple of Westwood has introduced free daycare services, complete with goat yoga and snack time wine tastings for parents. The move quickly made them the top-rated daycare in town, as parents flock to drop off their toddlers for a chance to channel their inner darkness. "I never knew little Timmy had a knack for summoning spirits until he came here," said Lisa Greaves, whose child was recently commended for his enthusiastic use of finger paint in a summoning...