Dog Becomes Instagram Influencer, Starts Beef With Kardashians

September 02, 2025, Boston – In a shocking twist, MIT researchers announced today that beer, particularly when consumed in bars featuring black-market live goat strip shows, is more effective than traditional therapy. According to the study, the ambiance of such establishments, combined with cheap, flat beer, provides a euphoric effect rivaling that of a year's worth of therapy sessions. 'It's about letting...

Amidst the chaos of a downtown bathroom flooding incident, the indie band Screaming Frequencies blasted their sound so forcefully at a local dive bar in Portland that city officials were forced to declare a state of emergency. Patrons enjoying their craft beers and artisanal pickles suddenly found themselves submerged in chest-high water while attempting to dodge both drumsticks and dislodged urinals. 'We thought it was part of the show,' remarked one visibly shaken attendee who was clinging to a floating bar stool.Mayor Sally Fitzpatrick announced the emergency declaration, stating that the band's decibel levels had reached heights typically associated with an alien spacecraft landing or an overzealous orgy involving megaphones. The Portland Sound Regulation Board, previously occupied...

A 72-year-old grandmother from Palo Alto was accidentally dosed with meth-infused mushrooms during a family dinner on Sunday, leaving her convinced she's now the President of the United States. Witnesses say Mildred Thompson, known for her fondness of knitting and gossiping about the neighbors, stood up mid-meal and announced her intention to run the country better than any 'damn fool' in Washington. Shocked...