Grandma Caught Running Meth Lab, Declares It “Bingo Money”

A 72-year-old grandmother from Palo Alto was accidentally dosed with meth-infused mushrooms during a family dinner on Sunday, leaving her convinced she's now the President of the United States. Witnesses say Mildred Thompson, known for her fondness of knitting and gossiping about the neighbors, stood up mid-meal and announced her intention to run the country better than any 'damn fool' in Washington. Shocked family members report she immediately commandeered...

In a shocking move that’s only slightly more brazen than a priest opening a strip club, renowned cult leader Jonathan “The Messiah” Morningstar launched his podcast, “Divine Frequencies,” earlier this week. Within hours, Spotify, the platform known for its eclectic taste in controversial content, signed him to an exclusive deal rumored to be worth millions of untraceable cryptocurrency tokens. Broadcasting from a bunker just outside Las Vegas, Morningstar claims his show will offer listeners a “spiritual awakening” with a side of homemade hallucinogens.The podcast’s first episode featured an interview with an alleged extraterrestrial...

In a divine twist of fate that would make a bishop blush, Jesus Christ has reportedly endorsed a popular vape brand, Holy Smokes, causing church attendance to spike dramatically across the nation. Parishioners at St. Peter's Cathedral in Cincinnati described the moment they saw a holographic Jesus puffing on a neon-blue e-cigarette during Sunday mass. "He said it was like vaping the breath of God," claims Father O'Malley, clutching his own limited edition 'Divine Mint' vape pen.The Vatican released an official memo corroborating the incident, stating that the Son of God appeared to a collective of cardinals and whispered, "Blessed are the clouds for...