Jesus Christ Endorses Vape Brand, Church Attendance Triples

In a startling turn of events early this morning, local ghost hunters were caught red-handed stuffing an EMF reader into an elderly woman’s vibrator at the Silver Pines Retirement Home. Residents awoke not to the usual early bird shuffleboard games but to a full-blown paranormal panic as Ethel Morrison’s sex toy started emitting signals akin to a haunted ham radio. The absurd scene took an even stranger twist when local authorities found themselves trying to decide whether to arrest the ghost hunters or congratulate them...

On September 2, 2025, an arrest was made at the Velvet Unicorn Gentlemen's Club in Tampa, Florida, after a local man attempted to pay a dancer with an assortment of Chuck E. Cheese tokens. Witnesses reported that the man, identified as 32-year-old Kyle Tremblay, confidently slapped down a stack of tokens and demanded a lap dance that would make even the animatronic band blush. 'In...

In a groundbreaking study released today by the University of California, Berkeley, researchers have discovered that marijuana can cure an astonishing range of ailments, from hangnails to erectile dysfunction, but does absolutely nothing for your credit score. The study, funded in part by billionaire tech entrepreneur Elon Musk's whimsical decision to turn his Tesla factory into a weed-powered spaceship, found that while cannabis has miraculous effects on the body and mind, it is powerless against the bane of consumer debt.Lead researcher Dr. Fiona Puffington stated in the press release, "While marijuana is effective in treating anxiety...