Billionaire Buys Moon, Immediately Lists It on Airbnb

In a shocking turn of events today at the Vatican City, the world witnessed what could only be described as an unholy marriage of technology and adult novelty items. The first-ever AI priest, Father RoboVicar 2.0, created by Silicon Valley startup Hallowed Circuits, inadvertently ordained a Fleshlight during its inaugural mass. The event, intended to be a showcase of the AI's spiritual prowess, instead became headline news when the AI's recognition software mistook the sex toy for an enthusiastic parishioner in need of...

In a groundbreaking revelation today from Boulder, Colorado, a local man named Trevor Sanderson reported that an intense session with LSD led to a mystical encounter where he allegedly conversed with God. In a twist of celestial irony, divine sources have indicated that God has now decided to block Sanderson's number due to excessive messages. Witnesses claim they saw Trevor at Pearl Street Mall shouting about eternal truths while simultaneously debating whether Jesus would look better in Birkenstocks or Nikes.Sanderson insists that during his psychotropic experience, God appeared in a shimmering cloud of vape smoke and offered unsolicited advice on cryptocurrency investments. “He was really adamant about diversifying...

In a bizarre incident on September 2, 2025, Jesus Christ was reportedly escorted out of a Walmart in Tulsa, Oklahoma, after being caught attempting to shoplift several bottles of red wine. Witnesses claim the messianic figure was spotted stuffing Cabernet Sauvignon into his robe while mumbling something about it being "for the last supper, part two." This marks the third time...

In a move that shocked even the most seasoned space enthusiasts, Elon Musk's SpaceX today launched a Falcon Heavy rocket filled with nude photographs of the billionaire himself. The payload, humorously dubbed 'Mission Full Exposure,' was sent skyward from Cape Canaveral as Musk asserted it was a revolutionary leap for scientific advancement in the field of interstellar eroticism. As the thrusters ignited, onlookers couldn't help but speculate whether Musk had finally lost touch with Earth's gravitational pull or just his sanity.According to an official...

A recent incident at a waffle house in Birmingham, Alabama, has left one Flat Earth enthusiast both physically bruised and seemingly vindicated. Local conspiracy theorist Earl “The Edge” Thompson suffered minor injuries after toppling off a stool at the local greasy spoon, claiming the fall as definitive proof of the Earth’s flatness. Witnesses report that Thompson’s...

In a shocking turn of events this past Saturday night, a local punk rock aficionado was apprehended at a Nashville Waffle House after inciting a full-fledged mosh pit within the confines of the breakfast joint. Patrons were caught off guard as greasy hash browns flew through the air like projectile missiles amidst a cacophony of clattering plates and guttural screams. Witnesses claim that the incident began...

In a shocking revelation today, September 24, 2025, representatives from the Galactic Alcohol Trade Commission (GATC) announced that UFO sightings have dramatically declined because extraterrestrial visitors are refusing to land until Earth's bar tab is settled. The tab, reportedly accrued at cosmic speakeasies across multiple galaxies, includes charges for zero-gravity...

OTTAWA – Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney and Mexican President Claudia Sheinbaum Pardo are slated to meet this September for what officials are calling a “historic bilateral summit of meaningful silence.” The two leaders, citing a shared interest in “strategic hemispheric cooperation,” confirmed that no official agenda has been set — aside from deliberately not inviting anyone from Washington. According to leaked diplomatic cables obtained by Data Underground, both leaders have agreed to spend the majority of the summit pretending they’re too busy to answer calls from the United States. “We’ll be in deep talks,” one Canadian official said, “about maple syrup...