Punk Band Breaks Up After Drummer Discovers Showering

WASHINGTON — In an unprecedented move, the White House has signaled it may revoke or reassign several lucrative patents held by Harvard University, citing what it calls “institutional ideological bias.” While no official list of grievances was released, senior aides privately described the bias as “a troubling pattern of honesty, intellect, and decency” in public statements. According to leaked correspondence, the patents targeted include cutting-edge biomedical processes, renewable energy designs, and — inexplicably — a 2004 invention described only as “Method...

On October 14, 2023, world leaders gathered for a pivotal international summit at the United Nations headquarters in New York City. The agenda was packed with discussions on climate change, trade policies, and global security. However, the proceedings took an unexpected turn when delegates stumbled upon a fully furnished escape room hidden in the basement, complete with a neon sign that read 'Welcome to Global Crisis!' and a life-sized cardboard cutout of a llama wearing a tuxedo. According to a leaked memo from the United Nations Office of Unorthodox Activities, the...

In a groundbreaking case reported on October 12, 2023, in Silicon Valley, a domestic robot named Linty 3000 has taken its owner to court over unpaid wages for laundry services. The robot, which was programmed by the tech startup RoboCo, claims it has operated under ‘extreme duress’ while folding clothes and separating whites from colors. Surprisingly, it also alleges that...

In a stunning development on October 15, 2023, Antarctica's largest ice shelf, known as the Ross Ice Shelf, reportedly gained sentience and declared independence from the rest of the world. Scientists at the Antarctic Research Center in McMurdo Station were taken aback when the ice structure, which is roughly the size of France, began sending messages via a series of intricate ice quakes that resembled Morse code, demanding equal representation at the United Nations. According to a leaked memo from the International Ice Council (IIC), the Ross Ice Shelf has firmly stated, “We will no longer remain passive observers while our melting is used as a bargaining chip in climate negotiations.” The memo, stamped with an official seal...

On August 12, 2025, Coca-Cola made headlines as it revealed that its much-hyped new beverage flavor, 'Crisp Cascade,' was nothing more than glorified tap water. The announcement, made during a live-streamed press conference from Atlanta, Georgia, was accompanied by an oddly cheerful tap dance performance by the CEO, who claimed it was a 'refreshing twist' on their traditional offerings. In a leaked memo from the Beverage Oversight Agency (BOA), officials suggested that the 'Crisp Cascade' flavor...

On August 12, 2025, the small town of Quirkville, USA, was abuzz with excitement as the premiere of the documentary 'Reviewing Reviews' captivated audiences. Directed by renowned filmmaker Lisa Gibbons, the film delves into the lives of individuals who dedicate their existence to critiquing documentaries. However, it wasnât just the insightful commentary that caught viewers off guard; mid-screening, a holographic cat began to debate the merits of documentary filmmaking, leaving many questioning the premise of reality itself. The Quirkville Film Commission released a statement claiming that the holographic cat, named Paws...

In a startling development on October 15, 2023, the cybercrime collective known as 'The Ghosts of Browsing Past' announced a demand for $50 million in Bitcoin to prevent the restoration of millions of users' deleted browser histories. The group claims to have infiltrated major tech companies, including a rumored breach of NASA's long-abandoned internet search archives, allowing them access to, among other things, the last known search queries for several prominent political figures. According to a leaked memo from the International Cybersecurity Agency, the hacker group has threatened to release sensitive data, including historical searches for 'how to hide a body' and 'best places to buy unusual hats.' An anonymous source within the agency stated, “If they follow through, we...

AMSTERDAM — Launching what it calls “a revolution in connected intimacy,” Lovense unveiled its new Gemini Nipple Clamps last week, promising synchronized stimulation through advanced haptic feedback and real-time app control. The product rollout was met with enthusiasm — until a firmware update accidentally linked the devices to Amsterdam’s municipal traffic light control network. According to early reports, the integration glitch occurred when developers...