Landlord Raises Rent After Watching Tenants Buy Pizza

In a startling development on October 15, 2023, the cybercrime collective known as 'The Ghosts of Browsing Past' announced a demand for $50 million in Bitcoin to prevent the restoration of millions of users' deleted browser histories. The group claims to have infiltrated major tech companies, including a rumored breach of NASA's long-abandoned internet search archives, allowing them access to, among other things,...

AMSTERDAM — Launching what it calls “a revolution in connected intimacy,” Lovense unveiled its new Gemini Nipple Clamps last week, promising synchronized stimulation through advanced haptic feedback and real-time app control. The product rollout was met with enthusiasm — until a firmware update accidentally linked the devices to Amsterdam’s municipal traffic light control network. According to early reports, the integration glitch occurred when developers reused an API key from a decommissioned...

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA — Google confirmed late Tuesday that a large-scale cyberattack compromised the personal data of millions of users, including emails, passwords, and location histories. While the breach is serious, security experts are baffled by a secondary theft: thousands of half-finished AI-generated jokes pulled from the company’s internal humor model. Sources inside Google say the unfinished quips range from “Why did the toaster refuse to…” to “Three ducks walk into a server room and…” — each cut off mid-sentence. One engineer described the...

On August 12, 2025, in a surprising turn of events, the National Security Agency announced that it has officially graded American citizens on their life choices due to overwhelming boredom. The announcement came during a routine press conference where NSA Director William Jones humorously suggested that the agency had inadvertently developed a penchant for scoring the breakfast choices of citizens, especially those who opt for kale smoothies over bacon. In a leaked memorandum from the Bureau of Citizen Life Evaluation (BCLE), it was revealed that the...

On August 12, 2025, a team of neuroscientists at the Institute for Advanced Political Studies in Washington, D.C., announced the discovery of a fourth political axis they dubbed 'Shrugcore.' This revelation came as a shock to many, particularly when it was revealed that the initial research was inspired by a viral TikTok featuring dancing cats in business suits. According to a leaked memo from the Department of Social Dynamics, the Shrugcore axis represents a new ideological spectrum where practitioners express indifference towards major political...

In a startling revelation, the CIA has declassified a manual dated 1975 that outlines a unique training program where agents were instructed to communicate solely through interpretive dance. According to sources, this unusual tactic was envisioned during the height of the Cold War to confuse enemy spies, with one participant reportedly stating that they once conveyed a top-secret message about nuclear codes while attempting to mimic a swan. The leaked documents, obtained by the Bureau of Unconventional Intelligence Tactics (BUIT), detail how agents were trained to use various dance styles, including the tango and the moonwalk, to relay sensitive information. An anonymous former agent claimed, “We were told that if we danced well enough, we...

ISTANBUL - Turkey’s central bank has announced a communications “modernization” drive aimed at anchoring inflation expectations and restoring investor confidence, rolling out a vendor-built forecasting suite and a revised stylebook for public guidance. In a circular sent to banks and media partners this week, the Central Bank of the Republic of Turkey said the upgrade would “synchronize expectations with policy path,” and promised regular pre-market briefings to “clarify trajectory.” A companion tender notice from the Treasury described the project as a “predictive expectations stabilizer,” with deliverables that include headline templates, standardized risk language, and an editorial calendar keyed to rate decisions and data releases. The quiet centerpiece is an AI system...

SEOUL - South Korean intelligence officials confirmed today that North Korea has begun dismantling its decades-old network of propaganda loudspeakers along the Demilitarized Zone, a move Pyongyang says is part of a “new chapter” in inter-Korean relations. The towering speaker banks, which once blared patriotic anthems and denunciations of Seoul, are being removed under what state media calls a “peaceful modernization initiative.” However, satellite imagery released this morning by a Japanese...