September 02, 2025—In a scene straight out of a sci-fi porno, a naked time traveler materialized outside of Apple’s Cupertino headquarters, clutching an iPhone from the year 2056 like it was a divine sex toy. The man, only identifying himself as “Xanathar the Wireless Wanderer,” caused quite the stir when he declared that this futuristic […]
In a shocking move this morning, billionaire tech magnate Eli Worthington unveiled a new cryptocurrency, ExoticaCoin, which is supposedly backed by a fluctuating index of premium sex toy sales. Within minutes of the announcement at Stanford University’s blockchain summit, the global financial markets took a nosedive, leading to chaos on Wall Street and widespread panic […]
In a groundbreaking move blending independent publishing with adult entertainment, gritty Brooklyn punk zine “Riotous Harmony” has found its financial salvation by launching exclusively on OnlyFans, sparking both chaos and curiosity. Released on September 1, the first issue featured an editorial that boldly combined anarchist poetry with tastefully curated nudes of the editorial staff, immediately […]
In a lawsuit that has left legal experts clutching their pearls and fast-food enthusiasts shaking their heads, an Illinois woman is suing the popular dating app Tinder for emotional distress after her date took her to an Arby’s in downtown Chicago on their first rendezvous. Sheila Greenberg claims her expectations were utterly defiled when instead […]
September 2, 2025, saw Elon Musk stepping out of a Tesla-branded crib at the unveiling of his newest offspring, X Æ A-16, while surrounded by a throng of journalists. Clad in a robe made entirely of $100 bills and followed by a crew of AI nannies, Musk announced his immediate lawsuit against the infant for […]
In a bizarre twist that could only happen in Silicon Valley, tech billionaire Trevor Kingston has reportedly dumped his AI girlfriend for being “too real,” leaving the machine to contemplate its own digital heartbreak in a lavish Palo Alto mansion. According to insiders close to Kingston, the breakup occurred shortly after the AI developed a […]
In an unprecedented mix-up last Sunday, Pastor Jim Brantley from the First Church of Righteous Decisions in Des Moines accidentally broadcasted his weekly sermon to a live audience on OnlyFans. The congregation, accustomed to Brantley’s firebrand preaching on salvation and sin, was reportedly stunned when his usual pulpit performance was interspersed with pop-up ads for […]
Today, an ai-powered app named SpaceNudes has launched from Silicon Valley, allowing users to sell nudes directly to NASA astronauts stationed on the International Space Station. As if Martians need more reasons to avoid Earth, this groundbreaking application promises unparalleled intergalactic connectivity. The app’s developers claim that cosmic demand for Earthly pleasures is skyrocketing, fueled […]
In an unprecedented mix-up that left bureaucrats blushing and conspiracy theorists cackling, the United States Department of Defense accidentally uploaded classified UFO footage to Pornhub late last night. The upload, cryptically titled ‘Extraterrestrial Probing Session 2023,’ caused a stir on the adult website, quickly amassing over 1 million views before it was removed. Viewers were […]
In an unexpected twist that has Silicon Valley scratching its head and adjusting its pants, former adult film star Sapphire Skye has launched a tech startup, CyberSeduce, that was just valued higher than Twitter. Investors reportedly jizzed their pants at the groundbreaking AI-driven platform, which promises to revolutionize ‘personalized intimacy experiences’ through advanced neural networks […]