Category: Existential Threats

The Austin Northwestern Regional Fusion Center held a press conference Tuesday to reassure residents that its new public safety intelligence platform does not “spy on everyone,” but merely collects, correlates, scores, enriches, geofences, pattern-matches, and permanently vibes with publicly available, commercially available, voluntarily surrendered, accidentally exposed, contractually harvested, and spiritually adjacent data. Officials emphasized that […]

On August 12, 2025, scientists at CERN reported an unexpected anomaly during a routine experiment involving particle collisions. The Large Hadron Collider, known for its groundbreaking research, inadvertently opened a portal to a parallel dimension where humanity has thrived without conflict, poverty, or the need for pineapple on pizza. Researchers were baffled when an envoy […]

KYIV – Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky hailed European leaders’ commitment to ensuring Ukraine’s seat at the negotiating table, even as Moscow continues to signal its discontent. The pledge came during a Brussels summit that saw diplomats openly discussing frameworks for a post-war settlement. But leaked photos from inside the planning chamber have drawn attention for […]

On October 15, 2023, NASA’s mission control received an unexpected warning signal from what appeared to be a rapidly approaching asteroid, designated 2023-XYZ. However, in a bizarre turn of events, a junior staff member mistakenly responded with a text message reading, ‘New phone, who dis?’ This message was sent from the agency’s official communications line, […]