In a shocking turn of events at the Walmart parking lot gig last Friday, local guitarist Jimmy “Skidmark” Thompson announced he had signed an exclusive sponsorship deal with Axe Body Spray, complete with a signature scent called “Eau de Dumpster Fire.” The once-beloved shredder stunned fans by performing his entire set clad only in a […]
In a shocking display of creativity, a high school student from Lincoln High in Portland, Oregon, was expelled today after authorities discovered his bathroom break involved a quick hit from the makeshift bong hidden within his science fair volcano. The eruption of controversy began when the teacher, Mrs. Thorne, noticed an unusual smell wafting through […]
In what can only be described as a full-frontal assault on tech privacy, a local punk known simply as “Gutter” was arrested in Mountain View, California after repeatedly mooning a Google Street View car while waving a giant inflatable dildo. As the car rolled by, Gutter screamed, “Capture this data!” The spectacle, witnessed by stunned […]
In an unprecedented move that left several bureaucrats mildly buzzed from secondhand contact highs, the U.S. National Park Service has declared a notorious punk house in Gainesville, Florida, a national landmark due to its uniquely intoxicating aroma of stale beer, weed, and a hint of cosmic regret. Dubbed ‘Stankonia’ by both residents and occasional squatters […]
September 02, 2025 — In a groundbreaking study conducted at the University of Southern California, researchers have discovered that cocaine use significantly enhances bowling scores. The report, funded by an anonymous benefactor rumored to be a former bowling champion with a penchant for both strikes and snorts, reveals that bowlers who indulged in moderate lines […]
On September 2, 2025, a punk-rock enthusiast was discovered living covertly in the amplifier room of a Guitar Center in downtown Los Angeles. Authorities stumbled upon the squatter while investigating reports of suspicious noises that resembled a cross between a Sex Pistols tribute band and feral cats mating. Law enforcement officials confirmed that the individual, […]
In a surprising twist of divine intervention or sheer stoner ingenuity, a local man attempting to smuggle weed into the Vatican inadvertently started a new religion on September 2, 2025. The man, identified only as ‘Brother Buzz’, hid several grams of high-quality cannabis within the pages of a Holy Bible, ironically turning the Good Book […]
In an incident that would make even Sid Vicious blush, a seventh-grade student at Lincoln Middle School in Columbus, Ohio, incited a lunchroom mosh pit that resulted in chaos and several spilled trays of questionable beef stroganoff. Witnesses say the pint-sized punk pulled off his hoodie to reveal a spiked leather vest before launching himself […]
In an unexpected twist, the underground music scene of Portland has been thrown into chaos as local drummer Max ‘Thunderstick’ Thompson announced his departure from the band The Gutterbugs to pursue a full-time career as a sex toy influencer. Known for his frantic beats and the uncanny ability to play while flipping off hecklers, Thunderstick […]
In a stunning turn of events, 82-year-old Mildred Thompson from Topeka, Kansas was arrested yesterday after authorities uncovered a fully operational meth lab in her basement. When questioned about the illicit operation, Thompson nonchalantly explained that she was simply supplementing her “bingo money.” Neighbors were stunned but noted her recent prowess at the weekly church […]