OTTAWA – Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney and Mexican President Claudia Sheinbaum Pardo are slated to meet this September for what officials are calling a “historic bilateral summit of meaningful silence.” The two leaders, citing a shared interest in “strategic hemispheric cooperation,” confirmed that no official agenda has been set — aside from deliberately not inviting anyone from Washington.
According to leaked diplomatic cables obtained by Data Underground, both leaders have agreed to spend the majority of the summit pretending they’re too busy to answer calls from the United States. “We’ll be in deep talks,” one Canadian official said, “about maple syrup tariffs, sunblock exchange programs, and other matters that definitely can’t be interrupted by awkward phone calls from a flailing empire.”
Internal planning documents outline several symbolic gestures of independence, including a ceremonial unplugging of the White House’s hotline and a joint release of a dove wearing earplugs. The event is expected to culminate in a bilingual press conference where both leaders will take turns saying, “Sorry, who?” when asked about President Trumps’ latest tariff proposals.
Behind closed doors, however, more serious discussions are rumored to include the formation of a North American No-Drama Pact — a soft treaty to coordinate future ghosting efforts, emergency mutual eye-roll protocols, and an agreed-upon emoji response in case of U.S. diplomatic texts. One unnamed source described the vibe as “two roommates deciding to stop answering calls from their landlord.”
The U.S. State Department, when reached for comment, said only: “We look forward to working closely with our partners in the region.” The line went quiet shortly after, except for faint background laughter and the sound of tequila being poured.