In an unprecedented mix-up that left bureaucrats blushing and conspiracy theorists cackling, the United States Department of Defense accidentally uploaded classified UFO footage to Pornhub late last night. The upload, cryptically titled ‘Extraterrestrial Probing Session 2023,’ caused a stir on the adult website, quickly amassing over 1 million views before it was removed. Viewers were […]
In a shocking twist to local childcare options, the Satanic Temple of Westwood has introduced free daycare services, complete with goat yoga and snack time wine tastings for parents. The move quickly made them the top-rated daycare in town, as parents flock to drop off their toddlers for a chance to channel their inner darkness. […]
In an unexpected twist that has Silicon Valley scratching its head and adjusting its pants, former adult film star Sapphire Skye has launched a tech startup, CyberSeduce, that was just valued higher than Twitter. Investors reportedly jizzed their pants at the groundbreaking AI-driven platform, which promises to revolutionize ‘personalized intimacy experiences’ through advanced neural networks […]
Barry Thorne of Albuquerque, New Mexico, has made headlines after claiming that his exclusive diet of Monster Energy drinks has granted him immortality, and local residents swear they saw him twerking on the hood of a cop car while chugging his breakfast. Witnesses at the Scene 66 Diner say Thorne began his day by crushing […]
In a shocking twist that could only happen in New York City, a subway rat has declared its candidacy for mayor, boldly announcing its campaign while riding atop a discarded dildo, causing quite the commotion at Times Square Station. The rat, dubbed ‘Remy the Ruler,’ held a press conference with a makeshift podium constructed from […]
On September 2, 2025, an arrest was made at the Velvet Unicorn Gentlemen’s Club in Tampa, Florida, after a local man attempted to pay a dancer with an assortment of Chuck E. Cheese tokens. Witnesses reported that the man, identified as 32-year-old Kyle Tremblay, confidently slapped down a stack of tokens and demanded a lap […]
In a startling turn of events early this morning, local ghost hunters were caught red-handed stuffing an EMF reader into an elderly woman’s vibrator at the Silver Pines Retirement Home. Residents awoke not to the usual early bird shuffleboard games but to a full-blown paranormal panic as Ethel Morrison’s sex toy started emitting signals akin […]
In a bewildering revelation today, the Pentagon has not only confirmed the existence of UFOs but also launched an official merchandise line in collaboration with Victoria’s Secret. The joint press conference at the Department of Defense headquarters was barely underway when a holographic alien, draped in lace lingerie, descended from the ceiling, shocking attendees and […]
In an explosive twist at a Los Angeles Target, a woman known only as Karen attempted an exorcism to address her malfunctioning dildo, inadvertently summoning a ‘Customer Service Demon’ in the process. Witnesses say that upon her impassioned chants, a cloud of vape smoke and glitter emerged, congealing into a red polo-shirted demon named Chad, […]
In an unexpected twist during a Sunday service at St. Ignatius Church in Baltimore on September 2, 2025, Pastor Jeremiah Billings accidentally projected his entire Pornhub playlist onto the large screen behind him. The congregation, which had just been settling down to absorb the Word of God, was instead greeted with an eclectic mix of […]