NEW YORK – Economists across the political spectrum urged Americans on Friday not to panic-buy or stockpile staples, arguing that hoarding worsens price spikes and strains distribution networks already stretched by weather-related delays, as they ran to Costco “just to pick up a few things”. A joint advisory circulated by the Council of Economic Advisers and the New York Federal Reserve cited stable warehouse throughput and “routine seasonal backlogs,” noting that grocers in the Northeast reported normal fill rates for flour, cooking oil, and infant formula this week. “Scarcity is often psychological before it’s real,” one senior economist said, adding that purchase surges can induce the very shortfalls consumers fear, as they began filling a second cart.
Despite their public reassurances, leaked security footage from a Trader Joe’s in Bethesda showed at least three economists from the Federal Reserve stuffing cases of lentils, organic ghee, and vacuum-packed sardines into a rented U-Haul. One was seen attempting to explain the Phillips Curve to a cashier who just wanted to know why he was buying 200 AA batteries. “It’s not about fear,” he muttered. “It’s about liquidity… in snacks.”
At a press conference Friday afternoon, Treasury officials emphasized that the American supply chain remains resilient and that consumers should “shop as usual, remain calm, and absolutely not interpret the economists in aisle seven as a sign of impending collapse.” Meanwhile, local news outlets in multiple cities reported sightings of black Suburbans double-parked outside Sam’s Club and “an unusual spike” in purchases of powdered eggs, tactical flashlights, and freeze-dried stroganoff.
Dr. Helena Voss, a Columbia University professor and longtime economic advisor, told NPR that “panic buying only leads to irrational behavior,” while visibly sweating through her Patagonia fleece and typing “bulk rice near me” into her phone. “The moment people start acting like something’s wrong, that’s when problems begin,” she said, dragging a case of vitamin D gummies labeled DO NOT EAT UNTIL SEPTEMBER 2030 into her hybrid sedan.
As the advisory circulated, several economists were caught on hot mic during a Bloomberg segment whispering things like “Get the propane first” and “Don’t forget dog food—whether you have one or not.” When asked directly if they were hoarding, a spokesperson for the Economic Policy Institute replied, “Of course not,” before excusing themselves to check a push notification that simply read: “LIMIT 1 PER CUSTOMER – SHELVES RESTOCKED NOW.”