Punk Kid Expelled for Starting Circle Pit During Choir Practice

In a shocking turn of events at St. Elizabeth’s Academy in Newark, New Jersey, 16-year-old Derrick ‘Thrash’ Thompson was expelled yesterday after inciting a circle pit during choir practice. Eyewitnesses claim that what began as a routine rendition of ‘Ave Maria’ quickly devolved into mosh mayhem when Thompson, donning a spiked leather jacket and combat boots, shouted “Let’s get biblical!” and hurled himself into fellow sopranos. The incident reportedly ended with Sister Agnes attempting to crowd surf her way to safety.

According to the school’s disciplinary report, chaos erupted almost immediately. “The spirit of punk rock consumed young Mr. Thompson,” wrote Principal Henley, noting that the boy’s anarchic energy infected the entire alto section within seconds. Witnesses recount a sea of pleated skirts and patent leather shoes flailing wildly as one freshman claimed, “It was like being baptized by a tidal wave of rebellion.” However, some parents are applauding Thompson’s efforts, hailing it as a groundbreaking artistic expression.

In an era where unconventional educational methods are gaining traction, Thompson’s antics have sparked debate across school boards nationwide. Educators are questioning if today’s high schools can accommodate the unpredictable intersections of Gen Z and punk culture. A leaked memo from the Department of Education suggests schools should prepare for more ‘auditory anarchism’ training sessions, which include teaching staff how to identify potential chaos makers by their Spotify playlists and choice in band tees.

Further complicating matters is Silicon Valley startup ‘MoshPitAI,’ which has recently developed algorithms capable of detecting emotional crescendo in classical music that could trigger such disruptive behaviors in teens like Thompson. Early tests indicate a 72% success rate at predicting mosh-prone compositions, with ‘Carmina Burana’ topping the list as most likely to spontaneously combust into anarchy during music class.

Derrick’s notoriety has only grown since his expulsion, with local underground venues now inviting him to share the stage as a guest provocateur. As he left St. Elizabeth’s grounds for the last time, he reportedly turned back and screamed over his shoulder, “I came, I saw, I moshed!” Perhaps heralding the dawn of punk academia or merely a footnote in rebellious teenage lore, only time will tell if Derrick’s unique brand of choir disruption will be canonized or condemned.