In an incident that has shaken the tiny community of Barstow, California to its core, a local gas station witnessed an extraterrestrial being apprehended for attempting to shoplift several cases of Bud Light on September 2, 2025. According to witnesses, the alien had nonchalantly strolled through the aisles before tucking the brew under its elongated, glistening arms. The creature reportedly muttered something about ‘research purposes’ and tried to use a fake Nevada driver’s license during the arrest.
The Barstow Police Department released a statement confirming that the entity, identified only as ‘Glorp-Zorak,’ claimed that its actions were part of a study on Earthling recreational habits. Officer Jenkins remarked with frustration, “You’d think they’d have advanced far enough beyond our Bud Light by now. But nope, same old alien nonsense.” The police have yet to determine how Glorp-Zorak managed to evade detection upon entering Earth’s atmosphere, but speculations abound regarding a cloak of invisibility powered by expired beer fumes.
As questions mount over Earth’s readiness for interstellar interactions, experts are drawing parallels between this incident and the controversial Area 69 project, which allegedly involved failed attempts by Silicon Valley tech giants to monetize communication with extraterrestrials by offering zero-gravity microtransactions and subscription-based UFO parking apps. Dr. Sandra Wiggleton of MIT’s Exoplanetary Anthropology Department warned that the world’s unquenchable thirst for both beer and surveillance technology has created a perfect storm for such cosmic misunderstandings.
The alien’s vehicle, described as a ‘cosmic jalopy’ with interdimensional bumper stickers reading “Legalize Spaceships,” was found parked behind the gas station. Surveillance footage reviewed by authorities shows Glorp-Zorak struggling to operate the pumps before giving up in exasperation. This ignites concerns over the alarming rise of incidents where alien technology interferes with Earth’s basic amenities—potentially leading to what experts are calling ‘The Great Galactic Gas Guzzle Crisis.’
As Glorp-Zorak awaits extradition back to its home planet, it remains in custody at a highly classified holding facility rumored to offer complimentary beer-tasting sessions as an interrogation tactic. Some locals jokingly suggest organizing an annual ‘Alien Brew Fest’ to commemorate this bizarre event. But as one resident wryly noted, “Next thing you know, they’ll be stealing our jobs or worse—our reality TV shows.”
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