In a bizarre twist during their fifth wedding anniversary celebration, Sarah Jenkins, a 32-year-old yoga instructor from Venice Beach, shocked her guests by announcing her divorce from her husband, Dave. The reason: his refusal to gobble down her infamous marijuana edibles. Dave, apparently more interested in the local strip club’s Taco Tuesday than his wife’s culinary cannabis concoctions, found himself on the receiving end of an eviction notice and a chocolate-covered ultimatum: swallow or skedaddle.
The marital rift began when Sarah caught Dave feeding her THC-infused brownies to the neighborhood raccoons instead of indulging himself as per their wedding vows. “We promised to share everything, including highs,” Sarah declared as she packed up his belongings, “but instead of tripping balls with me, he’s getting the entire raccoon population addicted!” Los Angeles County Court documents reveal Dave’s reluctance stemmed from a paranoid episode where he imagined his genitals had transformed into a tiny saxophone, compelling him to serenade the moon.
As cannabis-infused delicacies become a staple in California’s hipster kitchens, the couple’s unconventional split has sparked interest in the community. Legal experts predict a surge in similar cases, leading to a controversial new policy proposal: the “Domestic Edible Harmony Act.” This bill aims to legally enforce spouses to partake in each other’s edible adventures, complete with a mandatory training session on “Pot and Partnership Compatibility.”
The soon-to-be-ex-husband’s eccentric side effects from avoiding the edibles are being documented as part of an ongoing study on cannabis and marital satisfaction. Participants have noted strange phenomena such as impulsive drum circle joinings, hallucinations of cats wearing leather jackets, and an unnatural aversion to avocado toast. These quirky symptoms may complicate the divorce process, which legal analysts predict will be as unpredictable as Sarah’s secret brownie recipe.
With the divorce proceedings pending, Sarah remains adamant about her decision. “If he’s not willing to get high with me, he’s not high enough for this relationship,” she told reporters while offering samples of her new “Single Lady Sativa” cookies. In this quirky clash over culinary indulgence, one thing is certain: the raccoons have found themselves in a hazy utopia.
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