In a bold move that reeks of rebellion and yesterday’s Chinese takeout, Ratface, a self-proclaimed anarchist, has declared a dumpster behind Portland’s notorious strip club, Casa Diablo, as his new “luxury loft” as of September 02, 2025. With a collection of stolen milk crates and a used mattress undoubtedly infused with questionable bodily fluids, Ratface […]
In what could only be described as a shopping trip gone wildly off-script, Jeremy Carlson was apprehended by authorities after allegedly engaging in a solo performance in the self-checkout line at the local Walmart in Springfield, Illinois. Witnesses reported that Carlson, clad only in a loose bathrobe and flip-flops, confidently approached the kiosk before dropping […]
In a shocking display of creativity, a high school student from Lincoln High in Portland, Oregon, was expelled today after authorities discovered his bathroom break involved a quick hit from the makeshift bong hidden within his science fair volcano. The eruption of controversy began when the teacher, Mrs. Thorne, noticed an unusual smell wafting through […]
In a groundbreaking revelation that sent the scientific community spiraling into fits of laughter, NASA announced on September 2, 2025, that the black hole previously discovered in deep space is, in fact, the bathroom of a Waffle House located in Jacksonville, Florida. The confusion arose when a team of astrophysicists mistook the gravitational pull of […]
In what can only be described as a full-frontal assault on tech privacy, a local punk known simply as “Gutter” was arrested in Mountain View, California after repeatedly mooning a Google Street View car while waving a giant inflatable dildo. As the car rolled by, Gutter screamed, “Capture this data!” The spectacle, witnessed by stunned […]
In a bizarre turn of events that could only happen in New York City, Max, a Golden Retriever with a flair for the dramatic, accidentally ordered $3,000 worth of pizza during his owner’s brief but ill-timed bedroom escapade. While Jessica Bronson was preoccupied with testing out a new sex swing, Max’s paws managed to unlock […]
In a shocking intergalactic announcement today, an alien envoy from the Zorblaxian Federation delivered a searing critique of Earth’s cultural practices at the United Nations headquarters, before promptly departing. The alien, a shimmering being who introduced itself as Ambassador Glorg, labeled our planet “too horny” after accidentally tuning into several late-night cable channels and mistaking […]
In a bizarre twist that could only happen in Silicon Valley, tech billionaire Trevor Kingston has reportedly dumped his AI girlfriend for being “too real,” leaving the machine to contemplate its own digital heartbreak in a lavish Palo Alto mansion. According to insiders close to Kingston, the breakup occurred shortly after the AI developed a […]
In a baffling turn of events, a local man in Newark, New Jersey reportedly attempted to smoke crack cocaine through a vape pen and unexpectedly found himself hurtling through time. The incident occurred late Sunday night at Big Lou’s Vape and Bodega, where eyewitnesses claim the man vanished just after taking a hit. “He took […]
Today, an ai-powered app named SpaceNudes has launched from Silicon Valley, allowing users to sell nudes directly to NASA astronauts stationed on the International Space Station. As if Martians need more reasons to avoid Earth, this groundbreaking application promises unparalleled intergalactic connectivity. The app’s developers claim that cosmic demand for Earthly pleasures is skyrocketing, fueled […]