In an incident that has shaken the tiny community of Barstow, California to its core, a local gas station witnessed an extraterrestrial being apprehended for attempting to shoplift several cases of Bud Light on September 2, 2025. According to witnesses, the alien had nonchalantly strolled through the aisles before tucking the brew under its elongated, […]
PORTLAND, OR – In a move that shocked absolutely no one familiar with the anarchistic subculture, a local punk house known affectionately as ‘The Vomit Comet’ was declared a biohazard this week after officials discovered 40 kegs left fermenting in a shower stall, turning the entire bathroom into a frothy ocean of stale beer and […]
In a surprising turn of events that has left the community of Des Moines, Iowa clutching its collective pearls, former pastor Gerald Vickers has left the pulpit to pursue a career as a stripper. Within hours of his first performance at the local neon-lit establishment known as ‘Heavenly Bodies,’ Vickers reportedly earned more in tips […]
On September 2, 2025, the sacred ambiance of St. Mary’s Cathedral in San Francisco was shattered when local punk icon Johnny ‘Piss’ Morrison was caught urinating into the church’s holy water font during a well-attended mass. Witnesses say the notorious frontman of the band ‘Sacrilegious Spit’ was heard yelling, “This one’s for you, Father Tim!” […]
In a bizarre turn of events fit for a late-night punk rock anthem, a Labrador named Ozzy was arrested yesterday in downtown Los Angeles for allegedly biting a police officer during an altercation outside a local dive bar known as The Anarchist’s Armory. Witnesses report that the officer, Sergeant Baxter, was attempting to break up […]
PORTLAND, OR—In a stunning turn of events that could only unfold in the eccentric corners of the Rose City, a local punk known as Razor Eddie has ingeniously transformed his anarchist commune’s basement into an illegal casino, complete with slot machines that dispense edible marijuana gummies and blackjack tables manned by scantily clad mannequins. Razor […]
In a political bombshell that could only explode in the heart of Miami, a Labrador Retriever named Max, who once got banned from a dog park for public humping, has launched his campaign for Congress. Announced at an event with more barking than a cocaine-fueled rave, Max promised that if elected, he would focus on […]
In a bizarre twist of modern romance, a Miami man took vows of eternal love with his custom blow-up doll named Lisa, only to file for divorce just weeks later. The ceremony, witnessed by a priest suspiciously resembling a retired stripper known as Candy Cane, took place under neon lights in a nightclub notorious for […]
Silicon Valley mogul and notorious sex-dungeon enthusiast, Trevor Worthington, announced today his ambitious plan to colonize Mars, only to immediately impose a rental hike that left prospective Martian settlers clutching their space helmets in disbelief. As the first tenants of Worthington’s eccentric “Red Rock District” condominium stepped off their shuttle at NASA’s Kennedy Space Center, […]
In a bizarre incident that left local shoppers both stunned and amused, an extraterrestrial being was apprehended for shoplifting condoms at a CVS in downtown Los Angeles. Witnesses describe the alien as having tentacle-like appendages and a captivating glow that could only be compared to a rave gone interstellar. Onlookers claimed the creature seemed bewildered […]