Silicon Valley mogul and notorious sex-dungeon enthusiast, Trevor Worthington, announced today his ambitious plan to colonize Mars, only to immediately impose a rental hike that left prospective Martian settlers clutching their space helmets in disbelief. As the first tenants of Worthington’s eccentric “Red Rock District” condominium stepped off their shuttle at NASA’s Kennedy Space Center, […]
In a bizarre incident that left local shoppers both stunned and amused, an extraterrestrial being was apprehended for shoplifting condoms at a CVS in downtown Los Angeles. Witnesses describe the alien as having tentacle-like appendages and a captivating glow that could only be compared to a rave gone interstellar. Onlookers claimed the creature seemed bewildered […]
In a bold and somewhat sticky move, Netflix has announced a new docuseries that will plunge audiences into the chaotic world of rave clean-ups, where sex toys and psychedelic puddles become occupational hazards for underappreciated janitors. Set to premiere this fall, “Glow Stick Custodians” takes viewers deep into the heart of Detroit’s warehouse raves, capturing […]
In a groundbreaking move reminiscent of a fever dream crafted in the back alleys of Tallahassee, Florida has officially declared methamphetamine as its state currency. Governor Ron Desperado signed the bill into law in front of a cheering crowd this morning, as several raccoons made off with his wallet. “Meth is our cultural heritage,” he […]
In a shocking move that’s only slightly more brazen than a priest opening a strip club, renowned cult leader Jonathan “The Messiah” Morningstar launched his podcast, “Divine Frequencies,” earlier this week. Within hours, Spotify, the platform known for its eclectic taste in controversial content, signed him to an exclusive deal rumored to be worth millions […]
In an unprecedented incident that has shocked the precinct, Officer Randy Mendez of the Los Angeles Police Department was dismissed from his post after he inadvertently tased himself during a TikTok dance competition at Venice Beach. The event, which was part of a community outreach program aimed at bridging the gap between police and citizens, […]
Barry Thorne of Albuquerque, New Mexico, has made headlines after claiming that his exclusive diet of Monster Energy drinks has granted him immortality, and local residents swear they saw him twerking on the hood of a cop car while chugging his breakfast. Witnesses at the Scene 66 Diner say Thorne began his day by crushing […]
In a shocking turn of events this morning, humanity was ghosted by extraterrestrial visitors following a botched first date at an Applebee’s in Roswell, New Mexico. Patrons report that the aliens arrived unannounced, wearing what one witness described as “a mix between Elon Musk’s closet and a 1990s rave.” The date turned awkward fast when […]
The usually quiet suburb of Walnut Grove witnessed a bizarre transformation today as a local witch named Morgana unleashed a hex on the Homeowners Association (HOA), resulting in immediate and inexplicable improvements to the neighborhood. The hex, reportedly executed with the assistance of an AI-enabled grimoire, included ingredients like eye of newt, bat guano, and […]
In an alien twist of fate, a Dallas man filed a lawsuit against Taco Bell on September 2, 2025, claiming emotional distress after mistaking the drive-thru speaker for his girlfriend during a late-night burrito run. Witnesses say the man was seen passionately whispering sweet nothings into the speaker box, evidently believing it was some sort […]