In a bizarre twist of spectral infidelity, an OnlyFans model from San Francisco claims her ghost boyfriend cheated on her with another medium. Emily Carter, who has been dating the ethereal figure for over a year, revealed the scandalous betrayal in an emotional TikTok video, suggesting the afterlife is just as messy as Tinder. According […]
SEATTLE—In a move that surprised exactly nobody with a sense of humor, local authorities on September 1, 2025, deported Zoltron, an alien who recently started a punk band in downtown Seattle. Zoltron, whose unique interpretation of space rock included playing a guitar using only his prehensile tongue while spewing lyrics about intergalactic sex scandals, was […]
In a shocking twist, billionaire Richard Branson accidentally triggered an internal crisis within the Flat Earth Society by introducing its members to Google Earth during a party at his Necker Island mansion. Attendees reportedly believed it was a new adult VR experience and were disappointed when they couldn’t find the ‘hole to hell’ they’d heard […]
In a shocking turn of events, the punk band ‘Toilet Rebellion’ made Grammy history by clinching the award for Best New Album, an accolade earned entirely from recording in the putrid confines of a gas station bathroom. Located just off I-95 in Newark, New Jersey, the band’s creative sanctuary featured artistic elements such as a […]
In a hilariously misguided attempt at digital outreach, Father Daniel O’Reilly of St. Judas Church in Phoenix accidentally booked Satan himself to speak at a youth group lock-in last Saturday. By the time the mistake was caught, Beelzebub had already unleashed a fire-and-brimstone multimedia presentation, complete with pyrotechnics and what one witness described as “an […]
September 2, 2025, saw Elon Musk stepping out of a Tesla-branded crib at the unveiling of his newest offspring, X Æ A-16, while surrounded by a throng of journalists. Clad in a robe made entirely of $100 bills and followed by a crew of AI nannies, Musk announced his immediate lawsuit against the infant for […]
A quiet evening at a local Waffle House in Augusta, Georgia, turned into an unexpected spectacle when Agnes Worthington, a spry 82-year-old grandmother, clinched the top prize in the venue’s impromptu wet t-shirt contest. Diners were initially confused when they heard the DJ announce over the sizzling hash browns that a senior citizen had outperformed […]
LOS ANGELES—On September 2, 2025, a French Bulldog named Sir Barkley von Fluff took the internet by storm after accidentally posting a selfie from inside a Beverly Hills sex dungeon, sparking a heated rivalry with none other than the Kardashian clan. The pooch, who reportedly stumbled into the dungeon during a routine sniff-fest around Rodeo […]
In a bizarre twist of fate, an AI-powered yoga class at Brooklyn’s Chakra Haven studio led to local accountant Dan Summers unwittingly joining a cult. The class, advertised as a holistic health experience with free incense and enlightenment, turned out to include mandatory chanting sessions to honor Xylogoth, the ancient intergalactic deity known for his […]
In an unprecedented move yesterday, the residents of a Seattle punk house declared their bathroom a sovereign nation, promptly initiating a chaotic standoff with the local Homeowners Association. Citing their right to self-determination and unlimited joint rolling, the punks—dubbed the Republic of Soap Scum—erected a makeshift border checkpoint using empty PBR cans and an inflatable […]