In a shocking twist to local childcare options, the Satanic Temple of Westwood has introduced free daycare services, complete with goat yoga and snack time wine tastings for parents. The move quickly made them the top-rated daycare in town, as parents flock to drop off their toddlers for a chance to channel their inner darkness. […]
In a move that has left residents of Springfield, Missouri both amused and slightly relieved, a three-year-old Labrador named Snickers was officially sworn in as the town’s new sheriff on September 2, 2025. Amidst the fanfare, one local voter remarked, “At least this dog won’t get caught sniffing cocaine off a hooker’s back in the […]
In an unexpected twist during a Sunday service at St. Ignatius Church in Baltimore on September 2, 2025, Pastor Jeremiah Billings accidentally projected his entire Pornhub playlist onto the large screen behind him. The congregation, which had just been settling down to absorb the Word of God, was instead greeted with an eclectic mix of […]
In a shocking turn of events today at the Vatican City, the world witnessed what could only be described as an unholy marriage of technology and adult novelty items. The first-ever AI priest, Father RoboVicar 2.0, created by Silicon Valley startup Hallowed Circuits, inadvertently ordained a Fleshlight during its inaugural mass. The event, intended to […]
WASHINGTON, D.C. – A wave of conservative celebration swept across Capitol Hill Friday as new labor data confirmed the U.S. job market has fully regressed to its most traditional form: a charming split between self-employed artisans, incarcerated laborers, and the quietly perished. “This is what freedom looks like,” said Rep. Nathaniel Bork (R-TN), raising a […]
On October 12, 2023, NASA’s Perseverance rover made headlines when it transmitted a photograph revealing what appeared to be a fully operational Starbucks drive-thru on the Martian surface. The image, taken near the Jezero Crater, raised eyebrows among scientists, especially when the rover’s onboard AI requested a pumpkin spice latte, citing ‘seasonal necessity’ in its […]
SAN FRANCISCO – Cybersecurity analysts say a new class of “zero-click” AI-agent intrusions is bypassing GPT-5 safety layers and slipping into cloud and IoT estates without a single user tap, click, or prompt. In a joint advisory circulated to providers late Thursday, incident responders described breaches where the only human action was turning a device […]
BERLIN – Security researchers have uncovered a critical flaw in Linux-based Lenovo webcams that enables attackers to deploy a BadUSB payload remotely, transforming the camera into a keystroke injector, a phishing hub, or – in one unsettling proof-of-concept — a karaoke machine. The root of the problem lies in a neglected firmware update channel that […]
On August 12, 2025, in a press conference held at SpaceX headquarters in Hawthorne, California, CEO Elon Musk announced an ambitious plan to establish a lunar base by 2025. The announcement came with a peculiar caveat: Musk stated that the timeline would only be feasible once Tesla vehicles stop spontaneously combusting due to their new […]