Author: Marcus Shaw

Neighborhood HOA Replaces Stop Signs with Motion-Activated Loudspeakers That Yell ‘I’m Not Mad, Just Disappointed’ at Speeding Drivers

In a groundbreaking decision last Tuesday, the Maplewood Homeowners Association (HOA) announced the installation of motion-activated loudspeakers at key intersections, replacing traditional stop signs. Residents initially welcomed the change, praising its innovative approach to traffic safety. However, confusion arose when the speakers began to broadcast the phrase ‘I’m not mad, just disappointed’ at precisely 11:07 […]

Study Finds 83% of People Who Talk to Themselves Are Actually Holding Full Congressional Hearings

A recent study conducted by the National Institute for Self-Dialogue Research revealed that an astonishing 83% of individuals who engage in self-talk are, in fact, conducting full blown Congressional hearings. This groundbreaking revelation, presented at the annual conference in Washington D.C. on October 5, 2023, has left experts baffled, especially after researchers observed a significant […]

Critics Praise Documentary About People Who Review Documentaries

On August 12, 2025, the small town of Quirkville, USA, was abuzz with excitement as the premiere of the documentary ‘Reviewing Reviews’ captivated audiences. Directed by renowned filmmaker Lisa Gibbons, the film delves into the lives of individuals who dedicate their existence to critiquing documentaries. However, it wasnât just the insightful commentary that caught viewers […]

Scientists Discover Fourth Political Axis: “Shrugcore”

On August 12, 2025, a team of neuroscientists at the Institute for Advanced Political Studies in Washington, D.C., announced the discovery of a fourth political axis they dubbed ‘Shrugcore.’ This revelation came as a shock to many, particularly when it was revealed that the initial research was inspired by a viral TikTok featuring dancing cats […]

Streaming Giant Launches New Tier Where Shows Pause Every 15 Minutes to Ask If You’d Like To Upgrade

In a bold move that has sent shockwaves through the entertainment industry, StreamingCo announced on October 12, 2023, that its new subscription tier will require users to pause their favorite shows every 15 minutes to contemplate a potential upgrade. This decision follows the company’s recent acquisition of a time-traveling algorithm, which purportedly allows them to […]

Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth belongs to a satanic church network. Here’s what to know

On August 12, 2025, reports emerged from Washington D.C. suggesting that multiple congressional aides confirmed Tuesday that Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth has maintained long-standing membership in a little-known organization called the United Churches of Luciferian Fellowship, a network of private “faith cells” said to operate quietly across several U.S. military installations. The revelation emerged after […]

Psychologists Confirm: Everyone Thinks Theyâre the Only Sane One Left

On August 12, 2025, a groundbreaking study released by the International Institute for Rational Thought in Zurich revealed that a staggering 97% of participants believe they are the sole rational beings in an increasingly chaotic world. Surprisingly, the study’s lead researcher, Dr. Elara Moonbeam, noted that the responses were overwhelmingly influenced by a peculiar nationwide […]

NASA Accidentally Replies ‘New Phone, Who Dis?’ to Incoming Asteroid’s Warning Signal

On October 15, 2023, NASA’s mission control received an unexpected warning signal from what appeared to be a rapidly approaching asteroid, designated 2023-XYZ. However, in a bizarre turn of events, a junior staff member mistakenly responded with a text message reading, ‘New phone, who dis?’ This message was sent from the agency’s official communications line, […]