In a bizarre twist of Vatican scheduling gone wrong, Pope Francis found himself DJing a wedding at St. Peter’s Basilica this weekend, spinning nothing but Slayer tracks. The Holy Father reportedly donned a cassock emblazoned with pentagrams and blasted ‘Raining Blood’ to the shock of bewildered guests who expected Ave Maria remixes. Vatican officials claim […]
In an unexpected turn of events that baffled patrons and staff alike, a disoriented alien was discovered nursing a fifth of Jack Daniel’s in the bathroom of an Applebee’s located in Roswell, New Mexico. The extraterrestrial visitor, who identified himself as Zoglar from the planet Glorp, reportedly slurred incoherently about Earth’s ‘oppressive gravitational field’ before […]
Early Tuesday morning at a Nashville Waffle House, a man was apprehended by local authorities after being caught snorting lines of what appeared to be cocaine off the establishment’s syrup-sticky counter. According to eyewitnesses, the man, identified as 32-year-old Derek ‘The Dust Storm’ Thompson, was engaging in his breakfast ritual like any seasoned traveler—except instead […]
In a divine communication mishap that has left the Vatican red-faced, Father Damien O’Malley of St. Augustine’s Church in New York City reportedly dialed a 1-900 adult hotline instead of his usual number for heavenly counsel. Sources close to the incident revealed that the priest, known for his impassioned sermons on chastity, fumbled with the […]
It was a typical Tuesday night at the St. Mary’s Church Hall in Brooklyn when Mildred Thompson, 82, inadvertently turned a routine bingo game into a spectacle worthy of legend. As she stood to claim her jackpot prize, an unexpected wardrobe malfunction resulted in her floral dress slipping down to reveal her well-maintained “Grandma’s Tattoos” […]
In an unexpected turn of events, suburban Chicago resident Linda Vanhoff discovered the secret to financial success wasn’t her husband’s MBA from Northwestern, but rather her own uniquely captivating toes. Initially just a curious experiment, Linda’s OnlyFans account, dedicated to what she calls ‘foot artistry,’ has raked in over $50,000 in its first month—eclipsing her […]
In Tallahassee, Florida, Mildred Jenkins, an 82-year-old grandmother known for her knitting and sharp tongue, unwittingly launched a sexual revolution during her weekly bake sale when her cannabis brownies turned into a potent aphrodisiac. Within moments of consumption, the church hall was transformed into a scene that could only be described as Fifty Shades of […]
In an unprecedented turn of events, a Golden Retriever named Biscuit was apprehended while attempting to shoplift beef bones from the local Petco on September 2, 2025. Witnesses report that Biscuit had cunningly used his tail to distract the cashier while nonchalantly sliding a prime rib chew into his collar. The incident, captured on a […]
NEW YORK, NY — Chaos erupted outside a downtown Manhattan club yesterday when The Filthy Rebellion, infamous for their on-stage nudity and pyrotechnic condom balloons, were forced to cancel their upcoming ‘Molotov Cocktail Party’ tour. Their legendary tour van, affectionately called ‘The Rusty Screw,’ failed its emissions test after belching out clouds of black smoke […]
In a scene straight out of a fever dream, a Florida woman was hospitalized after attempting to perform a full-immersion baptism on her cat while naked in Lake Okeechobee, screaming about feline salvation and brandishing a dildo as her scepter. Witnesses, still in shock, described how the swampy waters erupted with alligators as the woman, […]