In a mind-boggling twist of human innovation meets indulgence, ai enthusiast and amateur chemist Doug Blanchard was rushed to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center after attempting to vape his sister’s wedding cake. The extravagant affair in Beverly Hills took an unexpected turn when Blanchard tried to impress the guests by converting a three-tiered fondant masterpiece into aerosol […]
In an unexpected turn of events yesterday at the esteemed Scripps National Spelling Bee held in Washington, D.C., a punk-inspired riot broke out when a rebellious teenager was arrested for starting a mosh pit in the middle of the competition. Witnesses reported that as young scholars carefully enunciated words like ‘onomatopoeia,’ the punk kid in […]
In what police are calling a “supernatural incident” gone awry, 33-year-old Carl Drummond was apprehended yesterday at the Spirit Halloween store in Columbus, Ohio, after employees caught him vigorously pleasuring himself in front of a display featuring scantily clad vampire mannequins. Drummond claimed he had been possessed by the spirit of the late Hugh Hefner […]
In a scandalous turn of events this morning in Portland, Oregon, a local punk rocker was apprehended for allegedly spray painting an anatomically accurate, ten-foot phallus on the hood of a police cruiser. Officer Patty O’Donnell, who discovered the art piece while returning from her morning donut run, is still in shock. “I nearly dropped […]
In a shocking twist of interstellar diplomacy, an alien spacecraft was spotted hovering menacingly over Area 51 last night, demanding the planet pay an astronomical ransom—not in gold or technology, but in craft beer. The extraterrestrial envoy, who identified himself only as Zorblax, issued a firm ultimatum to Earth’s leaders: no more abductions unless their […]
In a shocking twist on culinary crime, a man high on weed broke into an Arby’s in Cleveland’s bustling downtown district early Monday morning, stealing nothing but curly fries and leaving behind a trail of confusion and horseradish sauce. The suspect, described by police as a curly-haired man in his thirties wearing a t-shirt emblazoned […]
In a surprising crackdown that left even the most hardened New Yorkers blushing, Zogthar, a notorious alien from Zorblax-7, was banned from Earth for driving without insurance while allegedly intoxicated on a volatile mixture of martian aphrodisiacs and moonshine. The incident occurred last Saturday in downtown Manhattan, where Zogthar’s spaceship was found idling above a […]
In a stunning move that’s got Floridians scratching their heads and reaching for their weed stashes, the state government has officially declared every day as “Bring Your Alligator to Work Day.” Governor Ripley Stone announced the decision during a press conference held at an Orlando swamp, while sipping an energy drink made from cane sugar […]
September 02, 2025—In a scene straight out of a sci-fi porno, a naked time traveler materialized outside of Apple’s Cupertino headquarters, clutching an iPhone from the year 2056 like it was a divine sex toy. The man, only identifying himself as “Xanathar the Wireless Wanderer,” caused quite the stir when he declared that this futuristic […]
In an unexpected twist of fate, Doris Jenkins, an 82-year-old grandmother from Austin, stumbled into a motorcycle gang’s lair while searching for a crochet club meeting, only to become their fearless leader within hours. Her journey began after consuming a brownie laced with LSD, which she had confused for her grandson’s stash of sweets. The […]