In a surprising crackdown that left even the most hardened New Yorkers blushing, Zogthar, a notorious alien from Zorblax-7, was banned from Earth for driving without insurance while allegedly intoxicated on a volatile mixture of martian aphrodisiacs and moonshine. The incident occurred last Saturday in downtown Manhattan, where Zogthar’s spaceship was found idling above a […]
In a stunning move that’s got Floridians scratching their heads and reaching for their weed stashes, the state government has officially declared every day as “Bring Your Alligator to Work Day.” Governor Ripley Stone announced the decision during a press conference held at an Orlando swamp, while sipping an energy drink made from cane sugar […]
September 02, 2025—In a scene straight out of a sci-fi porno, a naked time traveler materialized outside of Apple’s Cupertino headquarters, clutching an iPhone from the year 2056 like it was a divine sex toy. The man, only identifying himself as “Xanathar the Wireless Wanderer,” caused quite the stir when he declared that this futuristic […]
In an unexpected twist of fate, Doris Jenkins, an 82-year-old grandmother from Austin, stumbled into a motorcycle gang’s lair while searching for a crochet club meeting, only to become their fearless leader within hours. Her journey began after consuming a brownie laced with LSD, which she had confused for her grandson’s stash of sweets. The […]
In an unintentional twist on Sunday, September 2, 2025, at St. Mary’s Cathedral in Chicago, a priest accidentally dosed the entire congregation with LSD during Holy Communion, leading to what witnesses are calling a ‘divine psychedelic ascension.’ Father Michael O’Connor, known for his meticulous attention to ceremonial detail, inadvertently swapped out the sacramental wine for […]
September 02, 2025 — In a groundbreaking study conducted at the University of Southern California, researchers have discovered that cocaine use significantly enhances bowling scores. The report, funded by an anonymous benefactor rumored to be a former bowling champion with a penchant for both strikes and snorts, reveals that bowlers who indulged in moderate lines […]
In a bizarre twist of events that could only happen in a world where porn categories outnumber actual human interests, a local man from Austin, Texas, was pronounced dead after participating in the notorious ‘Hellfire Tongue Torture’ hot sauce challenge. Witnesses claim that at precisely the moment he achieved ghost pepper nirvana, his body went […]
In an unprecedented legal battle, a Florida man has filed a lawsuit against Taco Bell for allegedly causing emotional distress after his Crunchwrap Supreme disintegrated mid-bite, revealing a hidden stash of miniature sex toys. The incident occurred at a Miami location during lunchtime rush hour, leaving onlookers bewildered and slightly aroused. Witnesses claim that when […]
Yesterday, in a bizarre turn of events, Father Jameson of St. Patrick’s Cathedral in New York City inadvertently baptized an entire congregation with Jägermeister instead of holy water. The incident occurred during the Sunday morning service when the priest reached for what he thought was the traditional vessel of sanctified water but was actually a […]
September 02, 2025—In a courtroom spectacle that has left Los Angeles buzzing, Satan has appeared in court, suing the International Association of Exorcists (IAE) for defamation after allegedly being linked to a scandalous rise in sex toy malfunctions. The Dark Lord, decked out in a tailored Armani suit with a red silk tie that seemed […]