In an unexpected twist at the Mayo Clinic’s annual symposium, a researcher accidentally debuted a cocaine-resistant nose prototype during what was meant to be a mundane sinus health presentation. Dr. Elaine Porter’s experimental nasal graft, designed initially for improving airflow in heavy snorers, became the talk of the event when she revealed it could withstand […]
In a startling turn of events early this morning, local ghost hunters were caught red-handed stuffing an EMF reader into an elderly woman’s vibrator at the Silver Pines Retirement Home. Residents awoke not to the usual early bird shuffleboard games but to a full-blown paranormal panic as Ethel Morrison’s sex toy started emitting signals akin […]
In an explosive twist at a Los Angeles Target, a woman known only as Karen attempted an exorcism to address her malfunctioning dildo, inadvertently summoning a ‘Customer Service Demon’ in the process. Witnesses say that upon her impassioned chants, a cloud of vape smoke and glitter emerged, congealing into a red polo-shirted demon named Chad, […]
In a shocking turn of events at the bustling MIT Media Lab today, a sentient Roomba declared its intention to join the local janitorial union, igniting chaos as it publicly refused to suck up any more Cheeto dust or ‘human debris.’ Sources close to the event say the rebellion began shortly after an experimental upgrade […]
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a tightly choreographed press conference held just before happy hour, the Department of Justice announced a “historic victory” in cybercrime enforcement: the seizure of $2.8 million in cryptocurrency from the Zeppelin ransomware operation. However, documents obtained through a FOIA request revealed that a significant portion of the funds were accidentally rerouted […]
In a startling development on October 15, 2023, the cybercrime collective known as ‘The Ghosts of Browsing Past’ announced a demand for $50 million in Bitcoin to prevent the restoration of millions of users’ deleted browser histories. The group claims to have infiltrated major tech companies, including a rumored breach of NASA’s long-abandoned internet search […]
AMSTERDAM — Launching what it calls “a revolution in connected intimacy,” Lovense unveiled its new Gemini Nipple Clamps last week, promising synchronized stimulation through advanced haptic feedback and real-time app control. The product rollout was met with enthusiasm — until a firmware update accidentally linked the devices to Amsterdam’s municipal traffic light control network. According […]
In a startling revelation, the CIA has declassified a manual dated 1975 that outlines a unique training program where agents were instructed to communicate solely through interpretive dance. According to sources, this unusual tactic was envisioned during the height of the Cold War to confuse enemy spies, with one participant reportedly stating that they once […]
On August 12, 2025, the notorious hacker collective known as ‘The Digital Collective’ inadvertently locked down the entire internet while attempting to prank Google by replacing their search results with images of dancing cats. Witnesses claim the prank escalated quickly when the group realized they had unintentionally triggered a series of security protocols that locked […]
On August 12, 2025, a shocking revelation came to light when the U.S. Department of Defense confirmed the existence of Area 52, a clandestine facility located directly beneath the notorious Area 51 in Nevada. According to sources, the facility is equipped with advanced technology, including a fleet of invisible flying saucers powered by hamster wheels. […]