In a dazzling display of automotive mischief and public indecency, a San Francisco man was nabbed by police while joyfully extracting catalytic converters from parked cars, stark naked except for a strategically placed fig leaf fashioned from exhaust pipe. Early Tuesday morning in the Mission District, ‘Crankshaft Picasso,’ as he demanded to be called, argued […]
On September 2, 2025, a punk-rock enthusiast was discovered living covertly in the amplifier room of a Guitar Center in downtown Los Angeles. Authorities stumbled upon the squatter while investigating reports of suspicious noises that resembled a cross between a Sex Pistols tribute band and feral cats mating. Law enforcement officials confirmed that the individual, […]
In a surprising twist of divine intervention or sheer stoner ingenuity, a local man attempting to smuggle weed into the Vatican inadvertently started a new religion on September 2, 2025. The man, identified only as ‘Brother Buzz’, hid several grams of high-quality cannabis within the pages of a Holy Bible, ironically turning the Good Book […]
VATICAN CITY – In a twist befitting the end times, Pope Francis inadvertently endorsed a leading butt plug manufacturer on Twitter early this morning, sending shockwaves through the devout and debauched alike. The Pontiff’s official handle @Pontifex tweeted, “Embrace fullness and explore the divine pleasure,” alongside a promotional image for Heavenly Plugs—a company known for […]
In a shocking turn of events at the Los Angeles Department of Motor Vehicles, a local punk rocker was apprehended for inciting a full-scale circle pit in the middle of the waiting area on September 2, 2025. Witnesses reported the chaos began shortly after the man, clad in a leather jacket with the slogan “DMV […]
In a shocking yet oddly predictable turn of events, an alien from the distant galaxy of Zogton IV has attended this year’s Burning Man festival in the Nevada desert, only to declare Earth as “overrated.” Witnesses claim the extraterrestrial, identified as Glorptok Ziggton, arrived in what appeared to be a heavily modified Tesla Cybertruck, much […]
A time traveler clad in only a threadbare Nickelback concert tee and a strategically placed condom materialized in Times Square today, ranting about a future plagued by the band’s reunion tour. This bizarre spectacle unfolded just steps from a group of nuns fundraising for endangered ferrets, causing the holy sisters to abandon their table in […]
In an unexpected twist at the Mayo Clinic’s annual symposium, a researcher accidentally debuted a cocaine-resistant nose prototype during what was meant to be a mundane sinus health presentation. Dr. Elaine Porter’s experimental nasal graft, designed initially for improving airflow in heavy snorers, became the talk of the event when she revealed it could withstand […]
In a startling turn of events early this morning, local ghost hunters were caught red-handed stuffing an EMF reader into an elderly woman’s vibrator at the Silver Pines Retirement Home. Residents awoke not to the usual early bird shuffleboard games but to a full-blown paranormal panic as Ethel Morrison’s sex toy started emitting signals akin […]
In an explosive twist at a Los Angeles Target, a woman known only as Karen attempted an exorcism to address her malfunctioning dildo, inadvertently summoning a ‘Customer Service Demon’ in the process. Witnesses say that upon her impassioned chants, a cloud of vape smoke and glitter emerged, congealing into a red polo-shirted demon named Chad, […]