In a bizarre incident that has left the Vatican scrambling for answers, Father Michael O’Leary accidentally summoned a demon while attempting to fix the Wi-Fi at St. Peter’s Basilica on September 2, 2025. Witnesses say the priest, frustrated with a buffering video of his favorite soap opera, muttered an incantation that was suspiciously similar to […]
In a shocking move this morning, billionaire tech magnate Eli Worthington unveiled a new cryptocurrency, ExoticaCoin, which is supposedly backed by a fluctuating index of premium sex toy sales. Within minutes of the announcement at Stanford University’s blockchain summit, the global financial markets took a nosedive, leading to chaos on Wall Street and widespread panic […]
In an unprecedented turn of events, Officer Dave Jenkins of the San Francisco Police Department inadvertently handcuffed himself during a routine DUI checkpoint last night, raising more than just eyebrows among his fellow officers. Witnesses reported that Jenkins, while attempting to demonstrate the proper technique for handling inebriated unicorns—an entirely fictional concept he’d concocted after […]
In a move that blends entrepreneurship with erotica, 32-year-old Dominic Parker has risen to the pinnacle of a notorious San Francisco pyramid scheme, slinging luxury vibrators and tech-enhanced pleasure oils. His rapid ascent has shocked the financial world, particularly since Parker’s journey began in a sticky dive bar’s bathroom where he first sold his ‘Orgasm […]
Last night in the streets of downtown Los Angeles, a teenager known as “Razor” was nabbed by authorities after allegedly spray painting the phrase “Your Mom” on a police cruiser, all while dressed in nothing but a pair of leather chaps and a cowboy hat. Witnesses reported that Razor was also guzzling from a flask […]
In a shocking turn of events this morning, an extraterrestrial visitor from the Andromeda Galaxy has reportedly abandoned Earth just one week after adopting a local tabby. The alien, who landed discreetly in San Francisco’s Golden Gate Park, initially seemed enchanted by Earth’s feline companions. However, sources close to the interstellar incident report that the […]
September 02, 2025: In a shocking turn of events, local punk rocker Sid Shambles was discovered alive today, buried under a pile of sex dolls and empty beer bottles in his Newark apartment. Shambles, notorious for his on-stage antics and off-stage debt, faked his own death to dodge a mountain of Venmo requests, causing an […]
On September 2, 2025, Walmart locations across the nation have quietly unveiled a new self-checkout option that allows shoppers to engage in consensual fistfights for discounts. Dubbed the ‘Fight Club’ checkout, this groundbreaking addition has quickly become a popular choice for those looking to knock out both their weekly shopping and a couple of teeth. […]
In a shocking turn of events, Satan was found sprawled across a dingy bathroom floor in downtown Chicago, clutching his crotch and screaming about his “infernal erections” after overdosing on Bang Energy drinks. The fallen angel’s chaotic incident has led to the cancellation of his highly anticipated North American tour dates, leaving fans and followers […]
In a groundbreaking revelation on September 2, 2025, the Smithsonian Institute disclosed that Bigfoot has not only been spotted in the wilds of Washington State but is also generating significant income through an OnlyFans account. Sources close to the cryptid claim that Bigfoot’s content, which features intimate grooming rituals and tree-thumping ASMR, has amassed over […]