In a shocking turn of events on September 2, 2025, a local grandmother from Des Moines, Iowa, has been permanently banned from the Merle Hay Walmart after she was caught riding a mobility scooter through the aisles completely naked. Witnesses described the scene as chaotic yet strangely liberating, with the spry octogenarian yelling about “freedom […]
In a bizarre turn of events on Tuesday, September 2, 2025, Mildred Thompson, a 78-year-old Brooklyn grandma, strolled into Acme Tattoo Parlor and demanded a face full of ink, exclaiming she wanted it to be ‘as scandalous as a priest at a swingers’ party.’ The resulting masterpiece was an anatomically precise octopus tattoo that spilled […]
In a shocking turn of events that rocked NASA’s Johnson Space Center, Blorpk, an extraterrestrial consultant from the Zeta Reticuli system, resigned on September 2, 2025, citing ‘unsatisfactory compensation’ as the primary reason. The alien, originally hired to assist in humanity’s first interstellar contact program, was appalled upon receiving payment in what officials described as […]
Today, in a shocking move that would have made even the most jaded Silicon Valley insiders spit out their soy lattes, billionaire tech mogul Elon Stark purchased the entire internet. The acquisition, which included not just the surface web but also every dark corner from illicit marketplaces to obscure fan forums, was finalized just after […]
In a bizarre twist on September 2, 2025, at Jefferson High School, a senior prank took an unexpected turn when 17-year-old Derek McMahon repurposed the school’s fire alarm system for his impromptu punk rock performance, complete with a mosh pit of confused yet enthusiastic students. Witnesses say the young anarchist kicked off his show by […]
In a startling announcement today from the tarmac of JFK Airport, billionaire entrepreneur Lance Thrust revealed his latest venture: SkyDive Airlines, an audacious airline promising to redefine the aviation industry by having every flight deliberately crash into symbols of capitalist greed. From the first sentence of his press release, Thrust assured shareholders and thrill-seekers alike […]
In an audacious stunt that stunned both scientists and porn enthusiasts alike, Chad ‘Chaz’ Grayson scaled Mount Everest wearing nothing but a GoPro and a strategic placement of duct tape over his privates to prove his Flat Earth theory. Upon reaching the summit last Wednesday, Chaz reportedly bellowed, “Even with my junk freezing, the horizon’s […]
In a shocking turn of events, a notorious punk house in Portland, Oregon was mistakenly declared a federal disaster zone by FEMA, leaving residents bewildered and knee-deep in disaster relief porn—literally. According to the agency’s preliminary reports, officials were supposed to assess damage from a recent storm but instead flagged the dilapidated building due to […]
In a shocking turn of events at a local waffle house, 82-year-old Edna Fitzgerald revved her mobility scooter past the finish line to clinch the title of Champion at the underground drag race, an event that was initially mistaken for a charity walk-a-thon. The unexpected victory took the internet by storm, resulting in Edna becoming […]
In a shocking twist that rocked the sleepy town of Denton, Texas, Pastor Marvin Jenkins was discovered using church funds, originally intended for a new youth outreach center, to purchase Fortnite skins. The revelation came to light when an anonymous tipster—allegedly the pastor’s ex-lover—leaked screenshots of Jenkins’ flamboyant in-game avatar, sporting a golden AK-47 and […]