LOS ANGELES, CA — In an unexpected twist, 82-year-old Margaret “Grammy” Thompson has become the unlikely star of the electronic dance music scene after a freak accident involving her grandson’s DJ equipment and a highly potent marijuana edible. Within minutes of accidentally ingesting the potent treat, Grammy found herself behind the decks at Los Angeles’ […]
In a stunning turn of events, 82-year-old Mildred Thompson from Topeka, Kansas was arrested yesterday after authorities uncovered a fully operational meth lab in her basement. When questioned about the illicit operation, Thompson nonchalantly explained that she was simply supplementing her “bingo money.” Neighbors were stunned but noted her recent prowess at the weekly church […]
In a bizarre twist that could only happen in today’s tech-obsessed world, a billionaire accidentally tattooed his home’s WiFi password across his chest during a wild night out in San Francisco. The incident occurred at ‘Inked & Loaded,’ a tattoo parlor known for its unique blend of body art and cocktail service. Witnesses claim that […]
In a bizarre twist of fate straight out of a porn parody, a punk rocker from Portland, Oregon has unintentionally catalyzed a military coup in the small nation of San Tabasco. It all started when Billy “Razor” McClintock, known for his Mohawk and devotion to ramen noodles, signed up for the U.S. Army because he […]
In a move as unexpected as a nun in a strip club, Chainsaw Delight took the stage at Chicago’s The Leaky Faucet last Saturday and started a 36-hour punk set that saw attendees politely clinging to their spots, despite the bassist playing the entire first hour with a strategically placed purple dildo instead of a […]
In a scandalous twist that has Salem Heights simmering with gossip, local witch Bella Ravenshadow has reportedly hexed her ex-husband into a frog right outside the neighborhood sex toy emporium, The Wandering Wombat. According to eyewitnesses, the transformation occurred moments after an especially heated argument over an unpaid tab at the Frog & Firkin Pub, […]
PORTLAND, OR—Amidst the pungent aroma of stale beer and body odor, the kitchen of local punk house The Squatty Sanctuary has been declared an official biohazard by city health inspectors, who were shocked to find a pile of sex toys being used as paper towel holders beside a pile of what could only be described […]
In an unprecedented political move, adult film star Jenna Vixen has been sworn in as the mayor of San Fernando, California, swiftly declaring every Friday as “Nude Day.” The decision comes after what locals are calling a landslide victory driven by a campaign that promised to “strip politics bare” and expose government corruption. Jenna took […]
In an unprecedented move that’s left both astrophysicists and the porn industry flabbergasted, Silicon Valley billionaire tech mogul Elon Barf today finalized his purchase of the Moon. By sentence two of his press release, Barf detailed his intentions to list it on Airbnb for “intimate getaways with an extraterrestrial view.” The announcement sent shockwaves through […]
In an audacious move that left Brooklyn’s rebellious hearts pounding faster than a basement mosh pit, the infamous punk zine ‘Gutterspit’ recently rolled out its latest issue printed on toilet paper, unapologetically doubling as both literature and emergency cleanup. Released exclusively at the Gowanus Bathtub—a venue famed for hosting music acts who allegedly require narcotic-fueled […]