In a jaw-dropping fusion of noise and natural gas, The Flatulent Phantoms, a punk band from Brooklyn, have released their latest album, ‘Wind Beneath My Buttcheeks.’ This audio assault, recorded entirely with kazoos and their own flatulence, erupted onto the scene like a fart in church. Lead singer Johnny ‘Toots’ McClane, known for his poetic […]
In an incident that rocked the local YMCA, a punk rock show on September 2, 2025, ended with police intervention after a performer dove off the stage straight into a kiddie pool filled with porn magazines. Eyewitnesses reported that the frontman of the band, known only as ‘Gutter Joe’, leaped from a six-foot-high stage, his […]
Deep in the heart of Brooklyn, a legendary punk house known for its Tinder matches and questionable hygiene has officially been designated as a petting zoo by the New York City Health Department. The decision came after an inspection revealed a staggering population of 342 rats cohabitating with humans in what has become an accidental […]
On September 2, 2025, the sacred ambiance of St. Mary’s Cathedral in San Francisco was shattered when local punk icon Johnny ‘Piss’ Morrison was caught urinating into the church’s holy water font during a well-attended mass. Witnesses say the notorious frontman of the band ‘Sacrilegious Spit’ was heard yelling, “This one’s for you, Father Tim!” […]
In a bizarre twist on September 2, 2025, at Jefferson High School, a senior prank took an unexpected turn when 17-year-old Derek McMahon repurposed the school’s fire alarm system for his impromptu punk rock performance, complete with a mosh pit of confused yet enthusiastic students. Witnesses say the young anarchist kicked off his show by […]
In a surprise win at Detroit’s Lincoln High School talent show, local punk band ‘The Swollen Appendages’ caused a furor by hurling an inflatable sex doll into the crowd halfway through their set. Their original composition, “Detention Dungeon,” had barely begun when the band’s drummer, Pants McGee, whipped out a whip and started rhythmically spanking […]
In a shocking legislative move that has blindsided the world of sports enthusiasts and substance abuse counselors alike, the state of Florida has officially declared Meth Head Races its official state sport as of September 02, 2025. The inaugural event took place in Orlando, where contestants, running in nothing but tattered shorts and boundless energy, […]
In an unexpected twist of crowdfunding gone awry, Jeremy “Squeaky” Thompson, a well-known member of the punk scene in Portland, Maine, has reportedly blown his GoFundMe donations meant for a new guitar on an impressive amount of weed. According to local sources, by the time the smoke had cleared—both figuratively and literally—Thompson was left with […]
In a shocking turn of events more suited to a wild LSD trip than reality, Boise, Idaho resident Trevor Jenkins was hospitalized after attempting to vape an entire family-sized bag of Doritos using a contraption that can only be described as a bong from the fifth circle of hell. Witnesses report that the 28-year-old had […]
In a stunning turn of events yesterday at the Holy Cross Cemetery in Brooklyn, NYC, the punk band Anarchy’s Whisper brought mourners to their feet—and then to their knees—by igniting a mosh pit during the funeral service for local legend and hot dog vendor extraordinaire, Jimmy “The Sausage King” Lazzaro. What began as a somber […]