In Tallahassee, Florida, Mildred Jenkins, an 82-year-old grandmother known for her knitting and sharp tongue, unwittingly launched a sexual revolution during her weekly bake sale when her cannabis brownies turned into a potent aphrodisiac. Within moments of consumption, the church hall was transformed into a scene that could only be described as Fifty Shades of […]
September 02, 2025 — In a groundbreaking study conducted at the University of Southern California, researchers have discovered that cocaine use significantly enhances bowling scores. The report, funded by an anonymous benefactor rumored to be a former bowling champion with a penchant for both strikes and snorts, reveals that bowlers who indulged in moderate lines […]
In a surprising twist of divine intervention or sheer stoner ingenuity, a local man attempting to smuggle weed into the Vatican inadvertently started a new religion on September 2, 2025. The man, identified only as ‘Brother Buzz’, hid several grams of high-quality cannabis within the pages of a Holy Bible, ironically turning the Good Book […]
In a stunning turn of events, 82-year-old Mildred Thompson from Topeka, Kansas was arrested yesterday after authorities uncovered a fully operational meth lab in her basement. When questioned about the illicit operation, Thompson nonchalantly explained that she was simply supplementing her “bingo money.” Neighbors were stunned but noted her recent prowess at the weekly church […]
In a bizarre twist that brings new meaning to ‘intimacy issues,’ a Los Angeles woman has legally married her vape pen, claiming that the connection is more gratifying than sex with her husband ever was. The ceremony, held in the parking lot of a local dispensary, was attended by over 50 people, including a confused […]
In a groundbreaking move reminiscent of a fever dream crafted in the back alleys of Tallahassee, Florida has officially declared methamphetamine as its state currency. Governor Ron Desperado signed the bill into law in front of a cheering crowd this morning, as several raccoons made off with his wallet. “Meth is our cultural heritage,” he […]
In a baffling turn of events, a local man in Newark, New Jersey reportedly attempted to smoke crack cocaine through a vape pen and unexpectedly found himself hurtling through time. The incident occurred late Sunday night at Big Lou’s Vape and Bodega, where eyewitnesses claim the man vanished just after taking a hit. “He took […]
In a divine twist of fate that would make a bishop blush, Jesus Christ has reportedly endorsed a popular vape brand, Holy Smokes, causing church attendance to spike dramatically across the nation. Parishioners at St. Peter’s Cathedral in Cincinnati described the moment they saw a holographic Jesus puffing on a neon-blue e-cigarette during Sunday mass. […]
On September 2, 2025, Portland’s Shady Pines complex tenants awoke to a pungent surprise as their landlord, Theodore “Sticky Fingers” Johnson, demanded rent payments in cannabis, announcing it by streaking through the courtyard wearing nothing but hemp underwear and a smile. “Weed is the future,” Johnson yelled as tenants blinked through the haze of marijuana […]
In an unexpected twist in the world of culinary innovation, a methamphetamine lab in Fresno accidentally concocted a new Mountain Dew flavor. The incident occurred when a batch of pure blue meth accidentally reacted with a stash of industrial-grade citrus flavoring, producing what local authorities are calling ‘Mountain Dew: Meth Blaster.’ Officer Randy Milton of […]