In a divine twist of fate that would make a bishop blush, Jesus Christ has reportedly endorsed a popular vape brand, Holy Smokes, causing church attendance to spike dramatically across the nation. Parishioners at St. Peter’s Cathedral in Cincinnati described the moment they saw a holographic Jesus puffing on a neon-blue e-cigarette during Sunday mass. […]
On September 2, 2025, Portland’s Shady Pines complex tenants awoke to a pungent surprise as their landlord, Theodore “Sticky Fingers” Johnson, demanded rent payments in cannabis, announcing it by streaking through the courtyard wearing nothing but hemp underwear and a smile. “Weed is the future,” Johnson yelled as tenants blinked through the haze of marijuana […]
In an unexpected twist in the world of culinary innovation, a methamphetamine lab in Fresno accidentally concocted a new Mountain Dew flavor. The incident occurred when a batch of pure blue meth accidentally reacted with a stash of industrial-grade citrus flavoring, producing what local authorities are calling ‘Mountain Dew: Meth Blaster.’ Officer Randy Milton of […]
In an unexpected twist at the Mayo Clinic’s annual symposium, a researcher accidentally debuted a cocaine-resistant nose prototype during what was meant to be a mundane sinus health presentation. Dr. Elaine Porter’s experimental nasal graft, designed initially for improving airflow in heavy snorers, became the talk of the event when she revealed it could withstand […]
In a groundbreaking study released today by the University of California, Berkeley, researchers have discovered that marijuana can cure an astonishing range of ailments, from hangnails to erectile dysfunction, but does absolutely nothing for your credit score. The study, funded in part by billionaire tech entrepreneur Elon Musk’s whimsical decision to turn his Tesla factory […]
In a groundbreaking revelation today from Boulder, Colorado, a local man named Trevor Sanderson reported that an intense session with LSD led to a mystical encounter where he allegedly conversed with God. In a twist of celestial irony, divine sources have indicated that God has now decided to block Sanderson’s number due to excessive messages. […]
WASHINGTON – In a move both bewildering and oddly poetic, former President Donald Trump has reportedly secured “more time” for Vladimir Putin – and tossed in a bouquet of flowers, just because. The gesture, officials say, is “less about diplomacy and more about D.C.-style charm,” encapsulated perfectly by Trump’s vow to “give Putin a ring […]
A recent study conducted by the National Institute for Self-Dialogue Research revealed that an astonishing 83% of individuals who engage in self-talk are, in fact, conducting full blown Congressional hearings. This groundbreaking revelation, presented at the annual conference in Washington D.C. on October 5, 2023, has left experts baffled, especially after researchers observed a significant […]
SEOUL – South Korean intelligence officials confirmed today that North Korea has begun dismantling its decades-old network of propaganda loudspeakers along the Demilitarized Zone, a move Pyongyang says is part of a “new chapter” in inter-Korean relations. The towering speaker banks, which once blared patriotic anthems and denunciations of Seoul, are being removed under what […]
On August 12, 2025, a groundbreaking study released by the International Institute for Rational Thought in Zurich revealed that a staggering 97% of participants believe they are the sole rational beings in an increasingly chaotic world. Surprisingly, the study’s lead researcher, Dr. Elara Moonbeam, noted that the responses were overwhelmingly influenced by a peculiar nationwide […]