Silicon Valley erupted in chaos today as tech mogul Elon Musk announced his latest venture: the acquisition of the sun. The billionaire, now apparently aspiring celestial landlord, immediately imposed a subscription model for sunlight access, leaving solar panels stunned and tanning enthusiasts scrambling to update their credit card details. “It’s just a way to democratize […]
In an unprecedented move that has stunned environmentalists and hydrophiles alike, tech billionaire Calvin R. Starkweather announced today that he has purchased the entirety of the Pacific Ocean for a cool $300 billion. Within hours of the transaction, Starkweather declared his intention to profit from the ocean’s pollution potential by unleashing a fleet of colossal, […]
In a move that would surprise even the most eccentric billionaire, a golden retriever named Max was apprehended by authorities in San Francisco while behind the wheel of an Uber. Initial reports suggest that Max, who allegedly learned to drive through a series of YouTube tutorials aimed at toddlers, managed to complete several rides before […]
Today, in a shocking move that would have made even the most jaded Silicon Valley insiders spit out their soy lattes, billionaire tech mogul Elon Stark purchased the entire internet. The acquisition, which included not just the surface web but also every dark corner from illicit marketplaces to obscure fan forums, was finalized just after […]
September 02, 2025 – In an unexpected twist on ridesharing mishaps, a Seattle woman is suing Uber after claiming her driver engaged in a steamy phone sex session on speakerphone while taking her to the wrong address—her ex-boyfriend’s apartment, no less. Jessica T., who had requested a straightforward ride to a friend’s party, found herself […]
In a startling announcement today from the tarmac of JFK Airport, billionaire entrepreneur Lance Thrust revealed his latest venture: SkyDive Airlines, an audacious airline promising to redefine the aviation industry by having every flight deliberately crash into symbols of capitalist greed. From the first sentence of his press release, Thrust assured shareholders and thrill-seekers alike […]
In a stunning display of wealth and strategic entrepreneurialism, tech billionaire Elon Buffenstein has purchased the entire continent of Antarctica from an undisclosed alien government. Mere hours after the transaction, Buffenstein listed ‘genuine Antarctic snow’ on eBay at a starting bid of $10,000 per scoop. Sources inside Buffenstein’s operation suggest this move is part of […]
In a shocking twist, billionaire Richard Branson accidentally triggered an internal crisis within the Flat Earth Society by introducing its members to Google Earth during a party at his Necker Island mansion. Attendees reportedly believed it was a new adult VR experience and were disappointed when they couldn’t find the ‘hole to hell’ they’d heard […]
In a bold and somewhat sticky move, Netflix has announced a new docuseries that will plunge audiences into the chaotic world of rave clean-ups, where sex toys and psychedelic puddles become occupational hazards for underappreciated janitors. Set to premiere this fall, “Glow Stick Custodians” takes viewers deep into the heart of Detroit’s warehouse raves, capturing […]
September 02, 2025 – In an unprecedented move that sent shockwaves through urban planning and offshore banking circles alike, billionaire tech mogul Reginald F. Cashman has purchased the entirety of Bakersfield, California, rebranding it as “Tax Havenistan.” The announcement came shortly after a wild rooftop party at City Hall where half-naked accountants reportedly lit cigars […]