In a move that has left residents of Springfield, Missouri both amused and slightly relieved, a three-year-old Labrador named Snickers was officially sworn in as the town’s new sheriff on September 2, 2025. Amidst the fanfare, one local voter remarked, “At least this dog won’t get caught sniffing cocaine off a hooker’s back in the […]
In a groundbreaking announcement on September 2, 2025, local police departments in Los Angeles revealed their latest initiative: a billion-dollar drone surveillance program. Within hours of deployment, the technology was immediately redirected to spy on the officers’ own wives. Sergeant Larry DeVito, who oversees the project, confessed, ‘We just wanted to see if Cheryl was […]
In an unexpected turn of events, the United States Department of Health and Human Services inadvertently released a top-secret document detailing the recipe for a weed-flavored fluoride. The memo, mistakenly attached to a public health email about dental hygiene, has sparked a wild buzz across the nation as citizens now believe their tap water might […]
In a shocking turn of events that has left the local punk scene in downtown Portland reeling, beloved bassist Jimmy “Strings” Daniels was sworn in as a police officer last Thursday after an intimate ceremony involving ceremonial batons and questionable amounts of baby oil. Eyewitnesses report that the event, held at the notorious dive bar […]
The Vatican is buzzing with scandal today, September 02, 2025, as an internal IT audit revealed an unexpected subscriber to the adult entertainment service, MILF Hunter Premium. In a mishap that has left both the digital and divine realms reeling, Pope Francis inadvertently became the first pontiff in history to engage in a monthly subscription […]
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a tightly choreographed press conference held just before happy hour, the Department of Justice announced a “historic victory” in cybercrime enforcement: the seizure of $2.8 million in cryptocurrency from the Zeppelin ransomware operation. However, documents obtained through a FOIA request revealed that a significant portion of the funds were accidentally rerouted […]
JUNEAU, AK – Just hours after a tense meeting with Russian President Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump told reporters that being “steamrolled” was actually a mark of respect, describing it as “how real leaders hug.” The remark came after Fox News said Putin dominated the Alaska summit, speaking twice as long and leaving Trump visibly sidelined. […]
On August 12, 2025, the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) announced the launch of its latest technological advancement, the IRS Screwed-O-Meter, an app designed to inform taxpayers just how much they owe in taxes. Interestingly, the app also predicts when youâll be visited by a friendly neighborhood tax collector riding a unicycle, creating a sense of […]
In a move hailed by supporters as a “bold step toward a more approachable democracy,” Congress has passed H.R. 5472, officially requiring all federal legislation to be drafted and published exclusively in Comic Sans. The bill, championed by Senator John Fetterman (D-PA) and Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) in a rare bipartisan effort, sailed through […]
NEW YORK — Baseball history was made last night when Diane Rowley became Major League Baseball’s first female umpire, officiating a Yankees–Red Sox matchup at Yankee Stadium. But while her presence drew thunderous applause, what followed had fans and broadcasters scrambling for the rulebook — Rowley called the entire game using nothing but a handheld […]