In an unprecedented turn of events, Officer Dave Jenkins of the San Francisco Police Department inadvertently handcuffed himself during a routine DUI checkpoint last night, raising more than just eyebrows among his fellow officers. Witnesses reported that Jenkins, while attempting to demonstrate the proper technique for handling inebriated unicorns—an entirely fictional concept he’d concocted after […]
VATICAN CITY – In a twist befitting the end times, Pope Francis inadvertently endorsed a leading butt plug manufacturer on Twitter early this morning, sending shockwaves through the devout and debauched alike. The Pontiff’s official handle @Pontifex tweeted, “Embrace fullness and explore the divine pleasure,” alongside a promotional image for Heavenly Plugs—a company known for […]
In a hilariously misguided attempt at digital outreach, Father Daniel O’Reilly of St. Judas Church in Phoenix accidentally booked Satan himself to speak at a youth group lock-in last Saturday. By the time the mistake was caught, Beelzebub had already unleashed a fire-and-brimstone multimedia presentation, complete with pyrotechnics and what one witness described as “an […]
In an unexpected twist straight out of a reality show fever dream, Max, a four-year-old golden retriever with a notorious penchant for humping parked police cars, has been elected mayor of Portland, Maine. The city awoke on Monday to the realization that their new leader spends most of his day sniffing butts and chomping on […]
VATICAN CITY — In an unprecedented move that left the world both stunned and twerking, Pope Francis dropped a trap album last Thursday titled ‘Holy Bars: From Vatican to Valhalla.’ Within just 72 hours, the album ascended to platinum status, sparking a viral sensation that saw priests swapping rosaries for chains and bishops attempting to […]
Last night in the streets of downtown Los Angeles, a teenager known as “Razor” was nabbed by authorities after allegedly spray painting the phrase “Your Mom” on a police cruiser, all while dressed in nothing but a pair of leather chaps and a cowboy hat. Witnesses reported that Razor was also guzzling from a flask […]
Yesterday, in a bizarre turn of events, Father Jameson of St. Patrick’s Cathedral in New York City inadvertently baptized an entire congregation with Jägermeister instead of holy water. The incident occurred during the Sunday morning service when the priest reached for what he thought was the traditional vessel of sanctified water but was actually a […]
In an unprecedented political move, adult film star Jenna Vixen has been sworn in as the mayor of San Fernando, California, swiftly declaring every Friday as “Nude Day.” The decision comes after what locals are calling a landslide victory driven by a campaign that promised to “strip politics bare” and expose government corruption. Jenna took […]
September 02, 2025—In a courtroom spectacle that has left Los Angeles buzzing, Satan has appeared in court, suing the International Association of Exorcists (IAE) for defamation after allegedly being linked to a scandalous rise in sex toy malfunctions. The Dark Lord, decked out in a tailored Armani suit with a red silk tie that seemed […]
In an unprecedented incident that has shocked the precinct, Officer Randy Mendez of the Los Angeles Police Department was dismissed from his post after he inadvertently tased himself during a TikTok dance competition at Venice Beach. The event, which was part of a community outreach program aimed at bridging the gap between police and citizens, […]