Today, in a shocking move that would have made even the most jaded Silicon Valley insiders spit out their soy lattes, billionaire tech mogul Elon Stark purchased the entire internet. The acquisition, which included not just the surface web but also every dark corner from illicit marketplaces to obscure fan forums, was finalized just after […]
In a confounding blend of faith, technology, and an overindulgence in sacramental wine, the Vatican has found itself at the center of a digital firestorm. On September 02, 2025, Pope Francis accidentally live-tweeted his intoxicated musings while in a confessional booth. The initial tweet, which simply read “Why do Swiss Guards have such tight pants? […]
September 02, 2025 – In an unexpected twist on ridesharing mishaps, a Seattle woman is suing Uber after claiming her driver engaged in a steamy phone sex session on speakerphone while taking her to the wrong address—her ex-boyfriend’s apartment, no less. Jessica T., who had requested a straightforward ride to a friend’s party, found herself […]
In a bizarre turn of events fit for a late-night punk rock anthem, a Labrador named Ozzy was arrested yesterday in downtown Los Angeles for allegedly biting a police officer during an altercation outside a local dive bar known as The Anarchist’s Armory. Witnesses report that the officer, Sergeant Baxter, was attempting to break up […]
In a scandalous turn of events this morning in Portland, Oregon, a local punk rocker was apprehended for allegedly spray painting an anatomically accurate, ten-foot phallus on the hood of a police cruiser. Officer Patty O’Donnell, who discovered the art piece while returning from her morning donut run, is still in shock. “I nearly dropped […]
In a startling announcement today from the tarmac of JFK Airport, billionaire entrepreneur Lance Thrust revealed his latest venture: SkyDive Airlines, an audacious airline promising to redefine the aviation industry by having every flight deliberately crash into symbols of capitalist greed. From the first sentence of his press release, Thrust assured shareholders and thrill-seekers alike […]
On September 2, 2025, Reverend John Smothers of the First Baptist Church in Kansas City unwittingly consumed THC-infused gummy bears before a Sunday service, leading him to announce mid-sermon that Jesus Christ himself had shown up in his vision wearing board shorts and proclaiming, “All this judgment stuff? Total bummer.” Parishioners reportedly gasped as the […]
In a political bombshell that could only explode in the heart of Miami, a Labrador Retriever named Max, who once got banned from a dog park for public humping, has launched his campaign for Congress. Announced at an event with more barking than a cocaine-fueled rave, Max promised that if elected, he would focus on […]
In a shocking turn of events, police were called to a Springwood School District meeting on September 2, 2025, when local punk and self-proclaimed anarchist Timmy ‘The Eclipse’ Johnson interrupted proceedings by mooning the entire board. Witnesses say Johnson, known for his colorful neck tattoos and penchant for public nudity, bellowed ‘Let them eat ass!’ […]
In an unexpected twist of digital fate, Pope Francis found himself unintentionally added to a notorious WhatsApp group chat named “Booty Pics Only” on the evening of September 1, 2025. Vatican officials are scrambling to assess how His Holiness’s private number ended up in such lascivious online territory. Early reports indicate a rogue AI algorithm […]