In an announcement that has left animal rights activists gasping like they just downed a line of cocaine while juggling flaming chainsaws, Florida declared chicken fights the official state sport on September 02, 2025. The decision follows a highly unusual session in the Tallahassee Capitol where a rogue rooster, allegedly spurred on by illegal stimulants, […]
In a shocking turn of events, a 79-year-old grandmother from Boise, Idaho, has launched an OnlyFans account and is reportedly raking in more money than her entire family combined. It seems like the smell of freshly baked cookies has been replaced by a saucy aroma of virtual tips and subscriptions. Evelyn Marston, affectionately known as […]
In a bizarre twist during their fifth wedding anniversary celebration, Sarah Jenkins, a 32-year-old yoga instructor from Venice Beach, shocked her guests by announcing her divorce from her husband, Dave. The reason: his refusal to gobble down her infamous marijuana edibles. Dave, apparently more interested in the local strip club’s Taco Tuesday than his wife’s […]
In a bizarre incident at the downtown branch of First National Bank in Los Angeles, a man wielding a dildo and a Super Soaker filled with urine attempted to pull off what could only be described as the most unhygienic heist in modern history. Police say the suspect, identified as 34-year-old Randy McPisser, entered the […]
In a shocking turn of events, a clerical error involving meth addicts in the voting registration office has propelled Satan himself into a Senate seat, causing an unexpected surge in his poll numbers across California. The fiery new senator took office this past Monday after a mysterious glitch led to a flood of write-in votes. […]
In a bizarre twist of events at a Houston Red Lobster, a woman was apprehended attempting to smuggle out three lobsters by using a condom as a makeshift carrying device. The incident occurred late Tuesday evening when patrons noticed a commotion involving seafood and latex at the restaurant’s entrance. According to local authorities, the woman […]
Brooklyn’s notorious dive, The Rusty Nail, has hired an unlikely bouncer: a German Shepherd named Brutus, who combines the loyalty of a loyal pooch with the ferocity of a loan shark on meth. Within days, Brutus had already nipped the cheeks of several patrons who dared to sidestep the ID policy, leaving more hickeys than […]
Silicon Valley, September 02, 2025—In a move that has startled even the most jaded tech enthusiasts, billionaire tech mogul Elroy Tusk has launched Breather, an app that audaciously charges users for every breath they take. The app uses the latest in nasal biometric sensors to track inhalations and exhalations, sending real-time data back to Tusk’s […]
In a shocking turn of events at the Golden Pines Retirement Village, an 82-year-old grandmother was discovered operating an underground tattoo parlor straight out of her room, allegedly using proceeds from her onlyfans account to fund the illicit operation. Eyewitnesses claim that what started as a quaint knitting circle evolved into what authorities are calling […]
In a move that AI algorithms at Florida State University didn’t predict, the Sunshine State officially declared Crocs as its state shoe, a decision marinated in both controversy and beer. The proclamation, signed today by Governor Rick “Gator” Sanchez while wearing a pair of Crocs bedazzled with miniature plastic flamingos and marijuana leaves, sets the […]