In a bizarre twist during their fifth wedding anniversary celebration, Sarah Jenkins, a 32-year-old yoga instructor from Venice Beach, shocked her guests by announcing her divorce from her husband, Dave. The reason: his refusal to gobble down her infamous marijuana edibles. Dave, apparently more interested in the local strip club’s Taco Tuesday than his wife’s […]
In a bizarre incident at the downtown branch of First National Bank in Los Angeles, a man wielding a dildo and a Super Soaker filled with urine attempted to pull off what could only be described as the most unhygienic heist in modern history. Police say the suspect, identified as 34-year-old Randy McPisser, entered the […]
In a shocking turn of events, a clerical error involving meth addicts in the voting registration office has propelled Satan himself into a Senate seat, causing an unexpected surge in his poll numbers across California. The fiery new senator took office this past Monday after a mysterious glitch led to a flood of write-in votes. […]
In a bizarre twist of events at a Houston Red Lobster, a woman was apprehended attempting to smuggle out three lobsters by using a condom as a makeshift carrying device. The incident occurred late Tuesday evening when patrons noticed a commotion involving seafood and latex at the restaurant’s entrance. According to local authorities, the woman […]
Brooklyn’s notorious dive, The Rusty Nail, has hired an unlikely bouncer: a German Shepherd named Brutus, who combines the loyalty of a loyal pooch with the ferocity of a loan shark on meth. Within days, Brutus had already nipped the cheeks of several patrons who dared to sidestep the ID policy, leaving more hickeys than […]
In a shocking turn of events at the Golden Pines Retirement Village, an 82-year-old grandmother was discovered operating an underground tattoo parlor straight out of her room, allegedly using proceeds from her onlyfans account to fund the illicit operation. Eyewitnesses claim that what started as a quaint knitting circle evolved into what authorities are calling […]
In an unprecedented twist of romance and engineering failure, a woman in Las Vegas has divorced a roller coaster after it allegedly developed a cocaine habit and went off the rails. Cecilia Morelli, 31, exchanged vows with the renowned Viper at Six Flags Magic Mountain just last year, citing its thrilling speed and magnetic charisma […]
In an incident that has left a small Texas town buzzing like a malfunctioning Roomba, a woman has filed a lawsuit against McDonald’s after she claimed Grimace, the iconic purple mascot, slapped her ass during what was supposed to be a routine family lunch. Witnesses at the Austin location reported hearing a distinct ‘whap’ followed […]
In an unexpected twist of fate on September 2, 2025, in Atlantic City’s infamous Golden Nugget Casino, a 72-year-old grandmother accidentally won a strip poker tournament after mistaking it for a charity bingo night. Edna Thompson, reportedly unaware of the rules due to her hearing aid being set to ‘tunnel vision,’ left a table of […]
In a bizarre turn of events on September 2, 2025, a New York City man who thought he was entering a Taco Bell found himself inadvertently inducted into the Church of Eternal Darkness, a notorious Satanic cult located in an old warehouse that once housed a defunct Barnes & Noble. Jake Thompson, 29, described feeling […]