On September 2, 2025, the good people of Milwaukee found themselves unwitting extras in a real-life biblical production when Satan, donning a tailored Armani suit, inaugurated his new brewery by offering free samples in exchange for their immortal souls—or at least their dignity. Located conveniently between a sex shop and a rehab center, Lucifer’s Lager […]
In a bizarre twist of events that could only happen in a world where porn categories outnumber actual human interests, a local man from Austin, Texas, was pronounced dead after participating in the notorious ‘Hellfire Tongue Torture’ hot sauce challenge. Witnesses claim that at precisely the moment he achieved ghost pepper nirvana, his body went […]
In an unprecedented legal battle, a Florida man has filed a lawsuit against Taco Bell for allegedly causing emotional distress after his Crunchwrap Supreme disintegrated mid-bite, revealing a hidden stash of miniature sex toys. The incident occurred at a Miami location during lunchtime rush hour, leaving onlookers bewildered and slightly aroused. Witnesses claim that when […]
In a scandalous twist that has Salem Heights simmering with gossip, local witch Bella Ravenshadow has reportedly hexed her ex-husband into a frog right outside the neighborhood sex toy emporium, The Wandering Wombat. According to eyewitnesses, the transformation occurred moments after an especially heated argument over an unpaid tab at the Frog & Firkin Pub, […]
In a stunning development that has left San Francisco tech circles buzzing and local law enforcement baffled, 29-year-old software engineer Brad Johnson reportedly microdosed LSD until he inadvertently invented a new, more potent form of crack cocaine. Johnson, who works at a prominent AI startup, claims the breakthrough came during an unusually intense all-night coding […]
In a bizarre twist of fate, an AI-powered yoga class at Brooklyn’s Chakra Haven studio led to local accountant Dan Summers unwittingly joining a cult. The class, advertised as a holistic health experience with free incense and enlightenment, turned out to include mandatory chanting sessions to honor Xylogoth, the ancient intergalactic deity known for his […]
In an unexpected twist of fate only rivaled by the plot of a bad sci-fi film, a woman from Akron, Ohio, has made headlines by accurately predicting her own arrest for driving under the influence—just moments before it actually happened. Eyewitnesses reported that moments after drunkenly staggering out of Madame Cleo’s Tarot Lounge last night, […]
September 02, 2025, Boston – In a shocking twist, MIT researchers announced today that beer, particularly when consumed in bars featuring black-market live goat strip shows, is more effective than traditional therapy. According to the study, the ambiance of such establishments, combined with cheap, flat beer, provides a euphoric effect rivaling that of a year’s […]
In a shocking move that’s only slightly more brazen than a priest opening a strip club, renowned cult leader Jonathan “The Messiah” Morningstar launched his podcast, “Divine Frequencies,” earlier this week. Within hours, Spotify, the platform known for its eclectic taste in controversial content, signed him to an exclusive deal rumored to be worth millions […]
A 72-year-old grandmother from Palo Alto was accidentally dosed with meth-infused mushrooms during a family dinner on Sunday, leaving her convinced she’s now the President of the United States. Witnesses say Mildred Thompson, known for her fondness of knitting and gossiping about the neighbors, stood up mid-meal and announced her intention to run the country […]