In a shocking twist, a billionaire’s quest for digital dominance took an unexpected turn on September 02, 2025. Hackers managed to infiltrate and expose the personal cloud storage of tech mogul Victor Brazen, unleashing a torrent of over 3,000 explicit images onto the internet. Among these, a vast majority were revealing selfies belonging to the […]
In a jaw-dropping declaration that echoed across the nation’s frayed nerve endings, Florida boldly announced its secession early this morning, proclaiming itself the independent nation of Floridonia. This bombshell was swiftly followed by the unearthing of a colossal smuggling ring involving inflatable sex dolls dressed as iconic Disney princesses, destined for what insiders are calling […]
In an unprecedented series of events last night in Portland, Oregon, police officers raided an underground house party expecting to bust a drug ring but instead found themselves entranced by a wall-shaking mix of illicit beats and erotic basslines. Within the first minute of entry, Officer Brad Jenkins was reportedly caught twerking next to a […]
In a shocking move, the newly emerged cult, Church of the Divine Transaction, has declared its official launch today in San Francisco with an audacious mandate: all new followers must Venmo $69.69 as a sacred rite of passage. While the city’s tech community was busy indulging in their usual microdosing rituals at Dolores Park, the […]
The usually quiet suburb of Walnut Grove witnessed a bizarre transformation today as a local witch named Morgana unleashed a hex on the Homeowners Association (HOA), resulting in immediate and inexplicable improvements to the neighborhood. The hex, reportedly executed with the assistance of an AI-enabled grimoire, included ingredients like eye of newt, bat guano, and […]
In an alien twist of fate, a Dallas man filed a lawsuit against Taco Bell on September 2, 2025, claiming emotional distress after mistaking the drive-thru speaker for his girlfriend during a late-night burrito run. Witnesses say the man was seen passionately whispering sweet nothings into the speaker box, evidently believing it was some sort […]
A time traveler named Max Quantum reappeared in 2025 and was immediately greeted by a stern financial officer wielding a bill for astronomical student loan debt, just moments after he had finished pleasuring a 34th-century alien prince in a saucy trade for advanced chronal tech. Quantum, wearing nothing but a sequined toga and a perplexed […]
In a bizarre twist worthy of a late-night infomercial, a Subway sandwich artist in downtown Chicago has been busted for microdosing customers with psilocybin mushrooms. Customers at the location near Millennium Park expecting just another day of bland cold cuts found themselves instead on an unexpected mystical journey. Police reports indicate the artist, going by […]
In a shocking turn of events at the bustling MIT Media Lab today, a sentient Roomba declared its intention to join the local janitorial union, igniting chaos as it publicly refused to suck up any more Cheeto dust or ‘human debris.’ Sources close to the event say the rebellion began shortly after an experimental upgrade […]
In a groundbreaking legal case unfolding in the heart of Silicon Valley, Jessica Smalls, a 32-year-old tech enthusiast from Palo Alto, recently married her microwave in a ceremony officiated by an AI-enhanced robotic priest. The union, however, turned sour faster than a reheated lasagna when Smalls filed for divorce this morning citing irreconcilable differences and […]