A time traveler clad in only a threadbare Nickelback concert tee and a strategically placed condom materialized in Times Square today, ranting about a future plagued by the band’s reunion tour. This bizarre spectacle unfolded just steps from a group of nuns fundraising for endangered ferrets, causing the holy sisters to abandon their table in […]
In a story that could only unfold in the heart of Florida on September 2, 2025, local swamp hero and part-time meth enthusiast, Ricky ‘Gator Guy’ Wilson, was apprehended by police after attempting to wrestle a 9-foot alligator in the parking lot of a Popeyes in Tallahassee. The spectacle attracted a crowd larger than the […]
Today, an ai-powered app named SpaceNudes has launched from Silicon Valley, allowing users to sell nudes directly to NASA astronauts stationed on the International Space Station. As if Martians need more reasons to avoid Earth, this groundbreaking application promises unparalleled intergalactic connectivity. The app’s developers claim that cosmic demand for Earthly pleasures is skyrocketing, fueled […]
In an unprecedented mix-up that left bureaucrats blushing and conspiracy theorists cackling, the United States Department of Defense accidentally uploaded classified UFO footage to Pornhub late last night. The upload, cryptically titled ‘Extraterrestrial Probing Session 2023,’ caused a stir on the adult website, quickly amassing over 1 million views before it was removed. Viewers were […]
In a shocking twist to local childcare options, the Satanic Temple of Westwood has introduced free daycare services, complete with goat yoga and snack time wine tastings for parents. The move quickly made them the top-rated daycare in town, as parents flock to drop off their toddlers for a chance to channel their inner darkness. […]
In an unexpected twist that has Silicon Valley scratching its head and adjusting its pants, former adult film star Sapphire Skye has launched a tech startup, CyberSeduce, that was just valued higher than Twitter. Investors reportedly jizzed their pants at the groundbreaking AI-driven platform, which promises to revolutionize ‘personalized intimacy experiences’ through advanced neural networks […]
Barry Thorne of Albuquerque, New Mexico, has made headlines after claiming that his exclusive diet of Monster Energy drinks has granted him immortality, and local residents swear they saw him twerking on the hood of a cop car while chugging his breakfast. Witnesses at the Scene 66 Diner say Thorne began his day by crushing […]
In a shocking twist that could only happen in New York City, a subway rat has declared its candidacy for mayor, boldly announcing its campaign while riding atop a discarded dildo, causing quite the commotion at Times Square Station. The rat, dubbed ‘Remy the Ruler,’ held a press conference with a makeshift podium constructed from […]
On September 2, 2025, an arrest was made at the Velvet Unicorn Gentlemen’s Club in Tampa, Florida, after a local man attempted to pay a dancer with an assortment of Chuck E. Cheese tokens. Witnesses reported that the man, identified as 32-year-old Kyle Tremblay, confidently slapped down a stack of tokens and demanded a lap […]
In a bewildering revelation today, the Pentagon has not only confirmed the existence of UFOs but also launched an official merchandise line in collaboration with Victoria’s Secret. The joint press conference at the Department of Defense headquarters was barely underway when a holographic alien, draped in lace lingerie, descended from the ceiling, shocking attendees and […]