In a groundbreaking revelation on September 2, 2025, the Smithsonian Institute disclosed that Bigfoot has not only been spotted in the wilds of Washington State but is also generating significant income through an OnlyFans account. Sources close to the cryptid claim that Bigfoot’s content, which features intimate grooming rituals and tree-thumping ASMR, has amassed over […]
In a shocking turn of events today at the Vatican City, the world witnessed what could only be described as an unholy marriage of technology and adult novelty items. The first-ever AI priest, Father RoboVicar 2.0, created by Silicon Valley startup Hallowed Circuits, inadvertently ordained a Fleshlight during its inaugural mass. The event, intended to […]
In a startling turn of events that began with a lease agreement gone wrong, a Seattle landlord has decided to increase rent by 30% after witnessing his tenants take possession of a delivery pizza. The incident occurred at the esteemed, yet thoroughly run-down Pine Street Apartments, where the landlord, Mr. Reginald P. Fiddlesworth, stumbled upon […]
In a move that shocked even the most seasoned space enthusiasts, Elon Musk’s SpaceX today launched a Falcon Heavy rocket filled with nude photographs of the billionaire himself. The payload, humorously dubbed ‘Mission Full Exposure,’ was sent skyward from Cape Canaveral as Musk asserted it was a revolutionary leap for scientific advancement in the field […]
A recent incident at a waffle house in Birmingham, Alabama, has left one Flat Earth enthusiast both physically bruised and seemingly vindicated. Local conspiracy theorist Earl “The Edge” Thompson suffered minor injuries after toppling off a stool at the local greasy spoon, claiming the fall as definitive proof of the Earth’s flatness. Witnesses report that […]
In a shocking revelation today, September 24, 2025, representatives from the Galactic Alcohol Trade Commission (GATC) announced that UFO sightings have dramatically declined because extraterrestrial visitors are refusing to land until Earth’s bar tab is settled. The tab, reportedly accrued at cosmic speakeasies across multiple galaxies, includes charges for zero-gravity tequila shots and interstellar lap […]
SEATTLE – Speaking at the Future of Labor Summit on Monday, Bill Gates declared that most people will work only two days a week within the next ten years. “Thanks to AI and automation, humanity’s labor burden is finally lifting,” said Gates, addressing a crowd of tech CEOs, lobbyists, and a lone substitute teacher who […]
LVIV, UKRAINE – What began as a diplomatic “solidarity gathering” with beer, folk music, and a modest outdoor tent quickly spiraled into one of the most controversial episodes of Ukraine’s wartime diplomacy. Multiple European diplomats woke up Saturday morning aboard an unmarked NATO transport aircraft, groggy and confused, headed to an unscheduled summit with former […]
KYIV, UKRAINE – President Volodymyr Zelenskyy reaffirmed his country’s territorial integrity on Sunday by refusing to cede control of a disputed region that, by most accounts, does not exist. The contested land, labeled “Zone Undefined” in NATO logistics software and “Probably Forest” by Russian state TV, has never seen conflict – or confirmation that it […]
WASHINGTON, D.C. – A wave of conservative celebration swept across Capitol Hill Friday as new labor data confirmed the U.S. job market has fully regressed to its most traditional form: a charming split between self-employed artisans, incarcerated laborers, and the quietly perished. “This is what freedom looks like,” said Rep. Nathaniel Bork (R-TN), raising a […]