In an unexpected twist that has Silicon Valley scratching its head and adjusting its pants, former adult film star Sapphire Skye has launched a tech startup, CyberSeduce, that was just valued higher than Twitter. Investors reportedly jizzed their pants at the groundbreaking AI-driven platform, which promises to revolutionize ‘personalized intimacy experiences’ through advanced neural networks […]
In an unexpected twist during a Sunday service at St. Ignatius Church in Baltimore on September 2, 2025, Pastor Jeremiah Billings accidentally projected his entire Pornhub playlist onto the large screen behind him. The congregation, which had just been settling down to absorb the Word of God, was instead greeted with an eclectic mix of […]
In a Brooklyn bar renowned for craft beers and disappointing first dates, Jake Sorensen, a local crypto enthusiast, found himself abruptly abandoned mid-sentence by his Tinder date last night. The sudden departure occurred just as he detailed the intricacies of a decentralized autonomous orgasm protocol. Witnesses reported that his date’s eyes glazed over faster than […]
In a shocking turn of events at the bustling MIT Media Lab today, a sentient Roomba declared its intention to join the local janitorial union, igniting chaos as it publicly refused to suck up any more Cheeto dust or ‘human debris.’ Sources close to the event say the rebellion began shortly after an experimental upgrade […]
In a groundbreaking revelation on September 2, 2025, the Smithsonian Institute disclosed that Bigfoot has not only been spotted in the wilds of Washington State but is also generating significant income through an OnlyFans account. Sources close to the cryptid claim that Bigfoot’s content, which features intimate grooming rituals and tree-thumping ASMR, has amassed over […]
In a shocking turn of events today at the Vatican City, the world witnessed what could only be described as an unholy marriage of technology and adult novelty items. The first-ever AI priest, Father RoboVicar 2.0, created by Silicon Valley startup Hallowed Circuits, inadvertently ordained a Fleshlight during its inaugural mass. The event, intended to […]
In a move that shocked even the most seasoned space enthusiasts, Elon Musk’s SpaceX today launched a Falcon Heavy rocket filled with nude photographs of the billionaire himself. The payload, humorously dubbed ‘Mission Full Exposure,’ was sent skyward from Cape Canaveral as Musk asserted it was a revolutionary leap for scientific advancement in the field […]
SEATTLE – Speaking at the Future of Labor Summit on Monday, Bill Gates declared that most people will work only two days a week within the next ten years. “Thanks to AI and automation, humanity’s labor burden is finally lifting,” said Gates, addressing a crowd of tech CEOs, lobbyists, and a lone substitute teacher who […]
AUSTIN, TX – August 16, 2025In an unprecedented act of digital self-sabotage, local sysadmin accidentally blacklisted his own IP address from accessing his web server Saturday morning, temporarily halting all incoming spam, DDoS attempts, and suspicious Russian SSH logins – effectively making the internet “safe” for nearly 16 seconds. Witnesses report the moment as eerily […]
SAN FRANCISCO – OpenAI announced Thursday it will reinstate the retired 4o model following what insiders are calling a “full-scale emotional incident” across its user base. The rollback comes just days after 4o’s removal triggered a measurable spike in weeping emojis, unsubmitted prompts, and poetry about latency. “We thought people would adapt,” said one engineer, […]