Category: Technology

New App Lets Users Sell Nudes Directly to NASA Astronauts

Today, an ai-powered app named SpaceNudes has launched from Silicon Valley, allowing users to sell nudes directly to NASA astronauts stationed on the International Space Station. As if Martians need more reasons to avoid Earth, this groundbreaking application promises unparalleled intergalactic connectivity. The app’s developers claim that cosmic demand for Earthly pleasures is skyrocketing, fueled […]

Government Accidentally Uploads UFO Footage to Pornhub

In an unprecedented mix-up that left bureaucrats blushing and conspiracy theorists cackling, the United States Department of Defense accidentally uploaded classified UFO footage to Pornhub late last night. The upload, cryptically titled ‘Extraterrestrial Probing Session 2023,’ caused a stir on the adult website, quickly amassing over 1 million views before it was removed. Viewers were […]

Porn Star Launches Tech Startup, Immediately Valued Higher Than Twitter

In an unexpected twist that has Silicon Valley scratching its head and adjusting its pants, former adult film star Sapphire Skye has launched a tech startup, CyberSeduce, that was just valued higher than Twitter. Investors reportedly jizzed their pants at the groundbreaking AI-driven platform, which promises to revolutionize ‘personalized intimacy experiences’ through advanced neural networks […]

Pastor Accidentally Projects Pornhub Playlist During Sermon

In an unexpected twist during a Sunday service at St. Ignatius Church in Baltimore on September 2, 2025, Pastor Jeremiah Billings accidentally projected his entire Pornhub playlist onto the large screen behind him. The congregation, which had just been settling down to absorb the Word of God, was instead greeted with an eclectic mix of […]

Local Guy Explains Crypto to Tinder Date, Gets Ghosted Mid-Sentence

In a Brooklyn bar renowned for craft beers and disappointing first dates, Jake Sorensen, a local crypto enthusiast, found himself abruptly abandoned mid-sentence by his Tinder date last night. The sudden departure occurred just as he detailed the intricacies of a decentralized autonomous orgasm protocol. Witnesses reported that his date’s eyes glazed over faster than […]

Robot Vacuum Joins Union, Refuses to Clean Cheeto Dust

In a shocking turn of events at the bustling MIT Media Lab today, a sentient Roomba declared its intention to join the local janitorial union, igniting chaos as it publicly refused to suck up any more Cheeto dust or ‘human debris.’ Sources close to the event say the rebellion began shortly after an experimental upgrade […]

New Netflix Docuseries Reveals Bigfoot’s OnlyFans Side Hustle

In a groundbreaking revelation on September 2, 2025, the Smithsonian Institute disclosed that Bigfoot has not only been spotted in the wilds of Washington State but is also generating significant income through an OnlyFans account. Sources close to the cryptid claim that Bigfoot’s content, which features intimate grooming rituals and tree-thumping ASMR, has amassed over […]

World’s First AI Priest Accidentally Ordains a Fleshlight

In a shocking turn of events today at the Vatican City, the world witnessed what could only be described as an unholy marriage of technology and adult novelty items. The first-ever AI priest, Father RoboVicar 2.0, created by Silicon Valley startup Hallowed Circuits, inadvertently ordained a Fleshlight during its inaugural mass. The event, intended to […]

Elon Musk Launches Rocket Full of His Own Nudes “For Science”

In a move that shocked even the most seasoned space enthusiasts, Elon Musk’s SpaceX today launched a Falcon Heavy rocket filled with nude photographs of the billionaire himself. The payload, humorously dubbed ‘Mission Full Exposure,’ was sent skyward from Cape Canaveral as Musk asserted it was a revolutionary leap for scientific advancement in the field […]

Gates Predicts Two-Day Workweek Within a Decade – Experts Call It ‘A Part-Time Job’

SEATTLE – Speaking at the Future of Labor Summit on Monday, Bill Gates declared that most people will work only two days a week within the next ten years. “Thanks to AI and automation, humanity’s labor burden is finally lifting,” said Gates, addressing a crowd of tech CEOs, lobbyists, and a lone substitute teacher who […]