SEATTLE—In a move that surprised exactly nobody with a sense of humor, local authorities on September 1, 2025, deported Zoltron, an alien who recently started a punk band in downtown Seattle. Zoltron, whose unique interpretation of space rock included playing a guitar using only his prehensile tongue while spewing lyrics about intergalactic sex scandals, was […]
In a shocking intergalactic announcement today, an alien envoy from the Zorblaxian Federation delivered a searing critique of Earth’s cultural practices at the United Nations headquarters, before promptly departing. The alien, a shimmering being who introduced itself as Ambassador Glorg, labeled our planet “too horny” after accidentally tuning into several late-night cable channels and mistaking […]
In a development that has left both astrophysicists and Walmart greeters scratching their heads, a UFO descended into the parking lot of a Walmart in Springfield, Missouri, yesterday. Upon landing, its occupants—a group of tentacled beings resembling neon calamari—promptly marched into the store to apply for minimum wage positions. According to bewildered employees, the extraterrestrial […]
Silicon Valley mogul and notorious sex-dungeon enthusiast, Trevor Worthington, announced today his ambitious plan to colonize Mars, only to immediately impose a rental hike that left prospective Martian settlers clutching their space helmets in disbelief. As the first tenants of Worthington’s eccentric “Red Rock District” condominium stepped off their shuttle at NASA’s Kennedy Space Center, […]
In a bizarre incident that left local shoppers both stunned and amused, an extraterrestrial being was apprehended for shoplifting condoms at a CVS in downtown Los Angeles. Witnesses describe the alien as having tentacle-like appendages and a captivating glow that could only be compared to a rave gone interstellar. Onlookers claimed the creature seemed bewildered […]
In a shocking yet oddly predictable turn of events, an alien from the distant galaxy of Zogton IV has attended this year’s Burning Man festival in the Nevada desert, only to declare Earth as “overrated.” Witnesses claim the extraterrestrial, identified as Glorptok Ziggton, arrived in what appeared to be a heavily modified Tesla Cybertruck, much […]
In a shocking turn of events this morning, an extraterrestrial visitor from the Andromeda Galaxy has reportedly abandoned Earth just one week after adopting a local tabby. The alien, who landed discreetly in San Francisco’s Golden Gate Park, initially seemed enchanted by Earth’s feline companions. However, sources close to the interstellar incident report that the […]
In an unprecedented move that’s left both astrophysicists and the porn industry flabbergasted, Silicon Valley billionaire tech mogul Elon Barf today finalized his purchase of the Moon. By sentence two of his press release, Barf detailed his intentions to list it on Airbnb for “intimate getaways with an extraterrestrial view.” The announcement sent shockwaves through […]
Residents of Salina, Kansas woke up to an unexpected visitor early this morning when a UFO landed smack dab in the middle of a wheat field. The extraterrestrial craft, described by eyewitnesses as “a shiny metallic donut with a penchant for probing,” immediately drew attention—not least because it unleashed an audio-visual display featuring the Bee […]
Today, September 02, 2025, in an astonishing revelation, NASA scientists have confirmed that the moon is not a barren rock but rather an enormous ufo filled with vapes. This discovery came after a routine satellite transmission revealed a massive plume of flavored vapor exhaling from lunar craters, leading experts to conclude that the entire moon […]