Man Attempts to Vape Entire Pool, Hospitalized Immediately

In an audacious attempt that screamed either bravery or lunacy, a Los Angeles man was rushed to the hospital after trying to vape the contents of an entire public pool, possibly fueled by an overdose of creativity and perhaps a splash of LSD. The man, Jake “VapeLord” Thompson, 34, was discovered half-naked and slippery as a dolphin, gasping for air amidst what witnesses described as a “sauna on steroids.” His weapon of choice: a repurposed industrial vaporizer rigged to suck up pool water like a vacuum from hell.

Local authorities arrived at the Aquarius Luxury Apartments only to find Thompson lying next to a puddle, clutching the vaporizer like a lover who’d betrayed him. LAFD Captain Mike Hoser told reporters, “He claimed it was an art installation meant to highlight the fluidity of human consciousness, but all he highlighted was his own stupidity.” Thompson reportedly shouted phrases such as “Be the water!” while neighbors, initially confused, now say they have a tale to tell for generations.

This incident has drawn the ire of public health officials and the fascination of wellness bloggers alike, questioning the new extreme trends in vaping. Although extreme vaping seems like an oddity, it parallels emerging Silicon Valley wellness crazes where CEOs ingest micro-doses of psychedelics and meditate in flotation tanks. According to a memo leaked from Meta-Flex Technologies, there’s talk of developing a ‘VapeScape’—a virtual reality experience that simulates vaping different bodies of water without the wet aftermath.

From the speculative theories of the Vaping Institute for Technological Endeavors (V.I.T.E), attempting to vape a pool could theoretically lead to lung conditions more absurd than medical marijuana side effects, including ‘liquid lung syndrome’ and ‘chlorine-induced hallucinatory dissonance,’ where individuals see visions of aquatic entities offering life advice. V.I.T.E urges caution and recommends intervention only with the backing of a team of medical professionals or stand-up comedians.

As Thompson recuperates under medical supervision, the incident raises questions about human limits and societal fascination with outlandish stunts. With pool safety protocols under review, one wonders if this is merely a precursor to a wave of future insanity. Can we expect warning signs saying “No Vaping The Deep End” to become as commonplace as “No Running”? In a world eager for viral fame, perhaps the punchline is that stupidity, like water, finds its level.