In a mind-boggling twist of human innovation meets indulgence, ai enthusiast and amateur chemist Doug Blanchard was rushed to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center after attempting to vape his sister’s wedding cake. The extravagant affair in Beverly Hills took an unexpected turn when Blanchard tried to impress the guests by converting a three-tiered fondant masterpiece into aerosol form, claiming it was the next big thing in culinary arts. Guests watched in horror as he inhaled deeply, only to collapse moments later, frosting smeared across his face like some deranged Willy Wonka.
Local authorities were quick to arrive on the scene, mostly because they wanted a piece of the cake before it was all gone. Officer J. Malone was quoted saying, “We’ve seen some crazy stuff in L.A., but vaping a cake? That takes the (wedding) cake.” Emergency services noted that Blanchard’s condition was stable but warned against further experiments with what they called “culinary cloud-chasing”. The National Bakers’ Association released an official memo titled ‘Cakes: Not For Smoking’, emphasizing that their products are meant for eating, not inhaling.
The incident has already sparked a heated debate online about the potential for AI-enhanced vaping devices that could feasibly convert any food item into vapor form. While it’s unclear how close we are to such technology, several startups in Silicon Valley have reportedly begun developing prototypes that could redefine how we consume calories. One such company, PuffPastries Inc., claims its device will allow users to “enjoy Thanksgiving dinner in one breath” by the end of the year.
Experts caution about the health risks associated with this bizarre new trend. Dr. Jane Valens from UCLA noted that inhaling concentrated sugar fumes could lead to conditions like ‘Caramel Lung’ or ‘Frostbite Throat’, not found in any medical textbooks yet but gaining notoriety in underground vaping forums. A leaked document from the FDA suggested they may need to establish a new regulatory body specifically for culinary vapors, citing potential side effects like ‘Glazed-over Eyesight’ and ‘Buttercream-induced Coma’.
As Doug recuperates and perhaps reconsiders his life choices, his family is left to reflect on how something as innocent as a wedding cake can become an agent of chaos when combined with misguided creativity and a penchant for showing off. The incident serves as a cautionary tale: just because you can vape it, doesn’t mean you should. In Blanchard’s words as he was wheeled away, “Next time I’ll stick to blowing out candles.”
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