In an unexpected twist in the world of culinary innovation, a methamphetamine lab in Fresno accidentally concocted a new Mountain Dew flavor. The incident occurred when a batch of pure blue meth accidentally reacted with a stash of industrial-grade citrus flavoring, producing what local authorities are calling ‘Mountain Dew: Meth Blaster.’ Officer Randy Milton of Fresno PD confirmed, ‘We were expecting another drug bust, not the next big soft drink sensation.’
The pharmaceutical accident was discovered during a routine raid when officers noticed a peculiar soda-like smell. ‘The whole place reeked of lime and speed,’ stated Sergeant Jennie Thompson, who led the operation. According to an internal memo from the DEA, the liquid was deemed safe for consumption but notably addictive. ‘We didn’t expect this,’ said Mountain Dew’s flavor chemist, Dr. Hank Palmer, who was brought in as a consultant. ‘It’s like if Red Bull got married to Walter White.’
While Mountain Dew is not officially endorsing the new concoction, insiders say PepsiCo is already exploring production options. Sources suggest they are particularly interested in leveraging tech to produce Meth Blaster without the meth. ‘We’re working with Silicon Valley on synthetic replication,’ noted tech analyst Kevin Nguyen, pointing to recent breakthroughs in AI-driven flavor synthesis pioneered by former Google engineers now operating from an offshore data center in international waters.
The potential release of Mountain Dew: Meth Blaster has sparked concern among health professionals. Early reports indicate side effects include hyperactivity, excessive gaming marathons, and an irresistible urge to start entrepreneurial ventures. A leaked PowerPoint presentation also hinted at proposed marketing strategies aimed at insomniac gamers and startup founders looking for that extra push.
Back in Fresno, rumors abound that the original chemists are now negotiating brand deals from their jail cells, setting a new precedent for entrepreneurial spirit. As one cellmate put it, ‘First they cooked meth; now they’re cooking profits.’ PepsiCo remains tight-lipped about any upcoming product launches, but insiders speculate that we might all soon find ourselves tasting the sweet tang of accidental brilliance.
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