Woman Marries Vape Pen, Husband Jealous of Cloud Size

In a bizarre twist that brings new meaning to ‘intimacy issues,’ a Los Angeles woman has legally married her vape pen, claiming that the connection is more gratifying than sex with her husband ever was. The ceremony, held in the parking lot of a local dispensary, was attended by over 50 people, including a confused but supportive priest and several bemused city officials.

Jenna Williams, a self-proclaimed ‘cloud chaser,’ exchanged vows with the chrome device last Sunday, declaring her undying love for its reliable puff delivery and ‘always ready’ battery life. Her human husband, Greg Williams, reportedly expressed his feelings of inadequacy in light of his rival’s impressive vapor output. “How can I compete with those clouds?” he lamented. Greg was last seen practicing vape tricks in an attempt to win back his wife’s affection.

The union has sparked debates across various health circles, with some experts noting an uptick in unusual tech-related marriages since AI companions became common household items. A recent study from the Institute of Modern Relationships found that 14% of millennials would consider marrying non-human entities if it meant guaranteed satisfaction without judgment or nagging. The report details eerie parallels between traditional marriage vows and terms of service agreements for digital devices.

Tech companies have been quick to capitalize on this trend. PuffTech Industries announced a beta release of a ‘Vape Mate’ app designed to enhance human-vape relationships through personalized AI-driven dialogue and temperature-adjusting capabilities. Early feedback indicates potential side effects such as Bluetooth jealousy syndrome and unexpected cloud bursts during intimate moments.

As Jenna continues her honeymoon with her USB-chargeable spouse, skeptics question whether this foggy union will clear up or spark a new movement. Regardless, Greg’s upcoming appearance on a reality show titled ‘My Wife Left Me for a Gadget’ promises to keep him busy while she floats away on fragrant plumes of vaporized bliss.