On September 2, 2025, in an unusual twist of fate and the scent of industrial-grade disinfectant, a punk couple sealed their love affair with a raw promise in the bathroom of a Circle K located in Tucson, Arizona. Known only by their stage names, Spit and Lipstick, the couple declared their engagement amidst the hum of fluorescent lights and the muffled sounds of a urinal cake doing its damnedest to fight back against the overpowering stench of edgy romance. Witnesses claim that between declarations of undying love, the duo engaged in impromptu poetry readings that definitely weren’t about rainbows or kittens.
Circle K employees were notably unfazed. Assistant Manager Ricky Skeet commented, “Honestly, I’ve seen weirder things happen in there. Once you clean up after a drunken mime convention, nothing really surprises you.” He added that he had given the couple a complimentary Slurpee post-proposal, which they used to toast their new life together while dodging suspicious puddles on the floor. The couple’s official statement included a sketchily written note on recycled toilet paper claiming this was “a metaphor for modern love—flushable but eco-friendly.”
As unconventional as it seems, the incident has sparked an unexpected trend among punk enthusiasts and renegade lovers alike. A new app called “LuvStall” has appeared on the scene, allowing users to book time slots in gas station restrooms for both romantic and purely hygienic purposes. The app’s founder, Randy Bile, insists this is “the Tinder for lovers who prefer to live fast and flush hard,” while investors like Silicone Valley disruptor Charles Chode believe it could be “the next UberEats for affection-starved millennials.”
This movement is not without its complications. Reports indicate that some restroom engagements have led to unexpected side effects such as rapid tattoo proliferation and spontaneous slam poetry performances. In response, several gas station chains have started implementing policies limiting restroom occupancy to under two hours unless accompanied by a certified officiant or therapist. They argue that this is not just about public decency but also about maximizing throughput efficiency and ensuring that customers can still purchase their beef jerky and energy drinks unimpeded by spontaneous civil ceremonies.
In an even more bizarre twist of fate, Spit and Lipstick returned to the very same Circle K bathroom weeks later to finalize their divorce after a heated argument over whose turn it was to feed their shared pet tarantula named Ludwig von Bitehoven. As they signed makeshift divorce papers on the back of an old Circle K receipt, they reportedly looked wistfully at each other before disappearing into separate stalls. Love may indeed conquer all, except perhaps for petty disagreements involving arachnids.
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