Punk Kid Expelled After Using Bong in Science Fair Volcano

In a shocking display of creativity, a high school student from Lincoln High in Portland, Oregon, was expelled today after authorities discovered his bathroom break involved a quick hit from the makeshift bong hidden within his science fair volcano. The eruption of controversy began when the teacher, Mrs. Thorne, noticed an unusual smell wafting through the gymnasium, leading to the unplanned evacuation of students and faculty.

According to the principal’s office, this innovation in science and leisure was mistakenly considered groundbreaking until it breached the school’s strict no-tolerance policy on drug use. “We commend his creativity but not his choice of materials,” stated Vice Principal Johnson in a memo addressed to parents. “While his volcano earned high marks for originality, we cannot condone the integration of cannabis smoke as an educational tool.”

The incident has sparked debates over current school policies regarding student expression and the boundaries of innovative thinking. Educational analyst Dr. Lyle Carrington commented, “In an era where tech giants like Elon Musk are sending weed to space under the guise of research, it’s no wonder kids are pushing boundaries. Perhaps it’s time we reevaluate how we inspire young minds within educational institutions.”

Critics argue that punishing students for such forward-thinking experimentation could stifle future scientists. The expelled student reportedly claimed that his volcano could not only demonstrate plate tectonics but also produce “clouds that calm nerves faster than any textbook ever could.” His fellow students seemed impressed by the demonstration, albeit with red eyes and suppressed giggles.

The expelled student’s volcano has now gained legendary status among local teens, who dub him the “Picasso of Potash”. With rumors spreading about a GoFundMe campaign to build a larger version for next year’s Burning Man festival, one can’t help but wonder if this is just the beginning of a new scientific revolution—or simply a high point in high school history.