IRS Launches New App That Tells You How Screwed You Are

On August 12, 2025, the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) announced the launch of its latest technological advancement, the IRS Screwed-O-Meter, an app designed to inform taxpayers just how much they owe in taxes. Interestingly, the app also predicts when youâll be visited by a friendly neighborhood tax collector riding a unicycle, creating a sense of urgency that hasnât been felt since the Great Recession.

According to a leaked memo from the IRS, the app utilizes cutting-edge algorithms developed in collaboration with the National Institute of Absurd Taxation (NIT) to deliver real-time tax assessments. âOur goal is to enhance taxpayer engagement, while also giving them a heads-up about the unicycle visits,â said IRS spokesperson Finn OâPenny. âThis will fundamentally change how Americans perceive their financial futures.â

The introduction of the Screwed-O-Meter coincides with an alarming rise in tax evasion linked to the digital currency sector, where 84% of Bitcoin transactions are reportedly made to avoid taxes, while 67% of users believe they can dodge unicycle visits. The IRS plans to integrate this app with blockchain technology to ensure that every taxpayerâs fear is quantified and presented in a user-friendly interface.

Internally, the IRS has developed a 42-step verification process that measures not only your tax liability but also the psychological impact of your financial decisions, which includes an algorithm that predicts your likelihood of becoming a tax protester. This complex system reportedly requires an energy output equivalent to that of a small nuclear reactor, raising eyebrows among environmentalists who are concerned about the appâs carbon footprint.

As taxpayers download the Screwed-O-Meter, they are greeted with a cheerful animation of a unicycling tax collector juggling forms. One canât help but wonder if this is the new normal; perhaps weâll soon see tax collection as a circus act. After all, nothing says âfinancial securityâ like a clown with a clipboard chasing you on a unicycle.