In a shocking turn of events, Pastor Dwight ‘DJ Divine’ Franklin was banned from St. Mark’s Episcopal in Denver after his sermons transformed into explicit rap battles that left the congregation questioning if they were in church or at a hip-hop concert with more than just spiritual awakenings happening in the pews. The chaos began last Sunday when Franklin, wearing a gold chain and clutching a microphone, dropped the opening lines of his sermon with an expletive-laden freestyle diss aimed at secular sins and what he termed as “Thou Shalt Not Lack Flow.”
Church officials were not amused by Franklin’s unconventional approach to the Gospel. According to an official memo released by the church board, “While we appreciate innovative outreach methods, we cannot condone messages delivered with language more suited for late-night cable than Sunday worship.” Sister Mary Agnes reportedly fled the scene clutching her rosary tighter than any sinner hugging their rap battle trophy, while Deacon Louis said it was a “foul-mouthed miracle” nobody had asked for.
Pastor Franklin defended his lyrical sermons as a necessary evolution in engaging younger audiences disillusioned by outdated practices. He claims that studies show sermons attended by millennials have increased 32% when presented as rap battles, citing fabricated research from the Institute of Rhythmic Theology. These so-called studies suggest that engaging in ‘Holy Hip-Hop Harmonics’ could be the future of faith communication.
The backlash has been fierce but surprisingly mixed. Some community members support Franklin’s fresh take, arguing it breaks down barriers between sacred and street life, while others worry about potential side effects like hyperactive devotion and unintentional beatboxing during prayer. The church’s financial committee did note an inexplicable spike in donations whenever Pastor Franklin battled his inner demons to a solid backbeat.
Franklin remains undeterred by his expulsion from the pulpit and plans to take his act on the road, opening for mega-churches seeking rejuvenation through rhyme. As he packed up his boom box and holy water mixtape, Franklin warned, “You can take me out of the church, but you can’t take my rhymes outta your soul.” Only time will tell if this lyrical messiah can truly spin salvation into gold—or just leave a congregation spinning in confusion.
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