In a bizarre incident that has left the Vatican scrambling for answers, Father Michael O’Leary accidentally summoned a demon while attempting to fix the Wi-Fi at St. Peter’s Basilica on September 2, 2025. Witnesses say the priest, frustrated with a buffering video of his favorite soap opera, muttered an incantation that was suspiciously similar to a ritual from the Lesser Key of Solomon, causing a demonic entity to appear and demand stronger internet speeds or ‘eternal damnation.’
The Vatican released an official statement acknowledging the presence of the demon, now dubbed ‘Routeroth,’ and assured the public that measures are being taken to contain it. Monsignor Carlo Ruggeri commented, ‘We are working closely with IT specialists and exorcists. The solution may involve consecrated ethernet cables and holy firewalls.’ Meanwhile, Routeroth has been seen rearranging furniture in various sacred spaces for better Feng Shui.
As tech giants like Google and Apple jump into action, offering their latest AI-driven exorcism applications, some experts warn of potential privacy concerns. Dr. Lorraine Kaplan from MIT pointed out that if Google’s algorithms track our sins through cookies, we might end up with targeted ads for indulgences or ‘Get Out of Hell Free’ cards. The Pope’s latest tweet about upgrading to divine fiber optics received over two million likes within minutes.
Attempts to negotiate with Routeroth have reportedly included offers of exclusive Netflix accounts and premium subscriptions to OnlyFans, though these were swiftly rejected due to unspecified ‘infernal bandwidth restrictions.’ A memo leaked from the Vatican’s internal network suggests Routeroth has also demanded a dedicated subreddit for philosophical debates about good versus evil in modern technology.
As Routeroth continues to haunt the Basilica’s halls, rearranging crucifixes to point south and setting up questionable playlists on Spotify, Father O’Leary remains optimistic. ‘I just hope we can get this sorted by Sunday mass,’ he sighed. Meanwhile, St. Peter’s Basilica is considering adding demonology courses to its theology curriculum—just in case anyone else gets tangled in the World Wide Web.