Flat Earther Climbs Everest to Prove Theory, Still Thinks It’s Flat

In an audacious stunt that stunned both scientists and porn enthusiasts alike, Chad ‘Chaz’ Grayson scaled Mount Everest wearing nothing but a GoPro and a strategic placement of duct tape over his privates to prove his Flat Earth theory. Upon reaching the summit last Wednesday, Chaz reportedly bellowed, “Even with my junk freezing, the horizon’s flat as a stripper’s chest after a long night at the club!”

The 29-year-old conspiracy theorist embarked on this journey not just as a publicity stunt, but as a ‘genuine quest for truth.’ Local guides at base camp reported Chaz declining traditional climbing gear in favor of a homemade ‘Anti-Curve-O-Meter,’ essentially a plastic protractor glued to a selfie stick. “The world won’t fool me,” he declared in a press release typed out on pink stationery covered in unicorns.

While experts question his methods, the Flat Earth Society has praised Chaz’s bravery. “In this era of deepfakes and AI-generated nonsense,” noted Dr. Roberta Glass, a leading scientist in the field of digital misinformation, “somehow a naked man on Everest is the more reasonable proof some people need.” Recent studies have indicated that the line between reality and meme culture has blurred, causing 32% of people under 30 to question established scientific facts.

Emboldened by his frostbitten experience, Chaz is now planning a cross-country drive in a self-made rocket car to demonstrate that highways are actually governmental illusions designed to siphon gasoline money. His YouTube channel has already gained 200,000 subscribers eager for his next death-defying exposé, titled ‘Flatline: The World Tour.’

As the snow settled around Everest, Chaz returned to base camp with a new mantra, “Today I climbed the world’s biggest pile of lies, and it was flat as the Earth beneath my feet!” He then unfurled a flag featuring an image of his duct-taped privates alongside a grinning emoji, leaving bystanders wondering if sanity was just another conspiracy. The summit had never seen such defiance—or nudity—before.