Man Arrested for Trying to Rob Bank With Super Soaker Full of Piss

In a bizarre incident at the downtown branch of First National Bank in Los Angeles, a man wielding a dildo and a Super Soaker filled with urine attempted to pull off what could only be described as the most unhygienic heist in modern history. Police say the suspect, identified as 34-year-old Randy McPisser, entered the bank wearing a ski mask and shouting incoherent demands while waving the makeshift weapon threateningly at bewildered tellers. “This is a stick-up! Give me all your cash or you’re getting a golden shower you won’t forget!” witnesses reported him saying.

Authorities were quick to respond, apprehending McPisser just moments after he unleashed his first spray. Officer Tania Foulkes commented on the arrest: “We’ve seen people try some wild things, but this one takes the cake… or maybe the urinal cake.” The suspect allegedly told police during questioning that he had been inspired by an obscure online challenge known as the ‘Piss Cannon Caper,’ which reportedly urges participants to commit outlandish stunts involving bodily fluids.

While it’s easy to dismiss McPisser’s attempt as a one-off absurdity, experts warn of a troubling trend where viral internet challenges inspire increasingly risky behavior. Dr. Cynthia Streams from the Internet Safety Council noted, “With TikTok and other platforms amplifying bizarre trends faster than we can regulate them, it’s not surprising to see individuals taking things too far. We’ve already had cases of ‘Gorilla Glue hairdos’ and ‘Tide Pod consumption’. What’s next? A fecal fountain flash mob?”

According to data released by the local precinct, crimes involving non-traditional weapons have spiked by 15% over the past year. This includes attempted robberies with various liquids and devices not typically associated with criminal activity. An internal memo from law enforcement humorously referred to these unusual incidents as “Operation Wet Banditry,” urging officers to be vigilant of any suspicious individuals carrying items like water guns or oversized containers.

As McPisser awaits trial, the community is left pondering whether this marks a new low for criminal ingenuity or merely an entertaining blip on the radar of human folly. As one unimpressed bank teller put it, “When you think you’ve seen it all in L.A., someone comes along with a piss gun and reminds you why you shouldn’t leave home without hand sanitizer.”