LVIV, UKRAINE – What began as a diplomatic “solidarity gathering” with beer, folk music, and a modest outdoor tent quickly spiraled into one of the most controversial episodes of Ukraine’s wartime diplomacy. Multiple European diplomats woke up Saturday morning aboard an unmarked NATO transport aircraft, groggy and confused, headed to an unscheduled summit with former U.S. President Donald Trump. Sources confirm they had been told it was a “bonfire debrief and morale builder.”
“We thought it was a unity kegger,” said one German delegate, still wearing a flower crown and someone else’s scarf. “The last thing I remember was someone yelling ‘one last toast to democracy’ before the lights went out.” Eyewitnesses say the event featured a beer pong bracket, an accordion rendition of the EU anthem, and what one attendee described as “concerning levels of geopolitical karaoke.”
Ukrainian officials have not denied the redirection. “The summit with Mr. Trump was always on the schedule,” said a Defense Ministry spokesperson. “The attendees were simply… expedited through the decision-making process.” Flight manifests confirmed the group was routed directly to a secure location outside Budapest, where briefing folders were reportedly replaced with electrolyte tablets and sunglasses.
Trump, reached for comment, claimed to have personally invited the diplomats months ago. “Everyone wants to talk to me,” he said. “I throw the best summits. They’re saying this one is going to be bigger than Yalta – much bigger, maybe the best ever.” One French official, visibly hungover, was seen gripping a chair and whispering, “He thinks we’re here on purpose.”
As of press time, Zelenskyy was reportedly considering another “informal policy retreat” involving mystery flights, tactical bourbon, and a pop-up silent disco. EU leaders have requested future gatherings include clear agendas, written consent, and at least one functioning memory of how they got there.
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