Orlando, FL—In what some are calling the most magical arrest on Earth, a Florida man was detained after allegedly snorting lines of cocaine off a giant Mickey Mouse mascot at Disney World’s Magic Kingdom. Guests were astounded as the man, later identified as 32-year-old Chad ‘The White Rabbit’ Thompson, turned Mickey’s oversized foam hands into an impromptu drug-fueled dance floor. One witness described the scene as ‘a wild mix between a rave and a Saturday morning cartoon’.
Disney spokesperson Jasmine Clearwater stated, “Our priority is the safety and enjoyment of all guests, though we never anticipated one of our mascots doubling as a party platter.” Chad reportedly claimed he thought he was participating in a new immersive experience called “Fantasyland: Highs and Lows.” According to Clearwater, the incident highlights the need for more stringent costume security measures, particularly when characters are used as narcotic paraphernalia.
In a bizarre twist, the Florida state legislature is now considering introducing measures to license Disney mascots to ensure they remain ‘drug-free zones’. Political figures have expressed concern that this could be indicative of a larger trend. Governor Rodriguez was quoted saying, “It’s not every day you hear about Mickey Mouse being used as a cocaine mirror, but in today’s age, who knows?” Meanwhile, tech giant Meta has hinted at incorporating virtual drug experiences in VR theme parks, though they promise no actual substances will be involved.
An internal report suggests Disney may implement a new scanning system dubbed “Character Integrity Protocol” (CIP), which would prevent costumes from being used for illicit activities. Early tests of CIP have shown a 75% effectiveness rate in identifying foreign substances, though it occasionally flags rogue churros as contraband. The system is slated for a soft launch next month, just in time for the holiday rush.
As Chad awaits his court appearance, Mickey Mouse is receiving some much-needed TLC at a character rehab facility rumored to be hidden beneath the It’s a Small World ride. Meanwhile, guests are encouraged to enjoy the park’s many attractions without resorting to chemical enhancements. As one Twitter user quipped, “It’s the happiest place on Earth, not the highest.”
Leave a Reply