On August 12, 2025, in a press conference held at SpaceX headquarters in Hawthorne, California, CEO Elon Musk announced an ambitious plan to establish a lunar base by 2025. The announcement came with a peculiar caveat: Musk stated that the timeline would only be feasible once Tesla vehicles stop spontaneously combusting due to their new Flame-Enhanced feature, designed to improve aerodynamics. This left many wondering whether the lunar vision was just a smoke screen.
In a leaked memo from the Interstellar Transportation Agency (ITA), officials confirmed that the Flame-Enhanced feature is indeed intended to enhance the driving experience by creating a controlled flare effect. Agency spokesperson, Dr. Linda Blazing, stated, This is just the next step in our evolution towards a more fiery driving culture, and it aligns perfectly with our lunar ambitions. The memo further emphasized that combustion is merely a phase of transition towards intergalactic travel.
As the world grapples with the implications of AI-driven vehicles, a recent report revealed that 83% of all Tesla owners are now more concerned about spontaneous combustion than battery life. Meanwhile, under the guise of advanced innovation, Tesla is reportedly integrating a new feature allowing drivers to summon flames from their wheel wells to ward off aggressive pedestrians. This has raised eyebrows among safety regulators, who are baffled by the Flame-Enhanced protocol being classified as a safety feature under international law.
Technical analysts estimate that if the Flame-Enhanced feature rolls out as planned, it could lead to a 250% increase in road-related incidents, with a 0.3% chance of spontaneously inducing lunar gravity in cars driving at 88 mph. This phenomenon, termed Lunar Lift, has reportedly been demonstrated in early tests, with one prototype vehicle lifting off briefly before crashing into a nearby taco stand. Experts warn that such instances could accelerate Tesla’s timeline for lunar colonization.
As Musk prepares for a future where flaming Tesla’s might be the norm, he humorously remarked, If we can’t keep our cars from igniting, how can we expect to keep the moon from getting toasty? As the countdown ticks, one can only ponder whether the lunar base will be a safe haven or just a glorified bonfire.
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