September 02, 2025, Miami – A local police officer has been apprehended for allegedly running an elaborate scheme involving reselling marijuana confiscated from high school students. Officer Pete ‘Stash’ Ramirez was caught red-handed while attempting to barter a bag of seized cannabis for a vintage porn magazine outside the Hialeah Police Department. His actions have […]
In a shocking turn of events at the Golden Pines Retirement Village, an 82-year-old grandmother was discovered operating an underground tattoo parlor straight out of her room, allegedly using proceeds from her onlyfans account to fund the illicit operation. Eyewitnesses claim that what started as a quaint knitting circle evolved into what authorities are calling […]
In a move that AI algorithms at Florida State University didn’t predict, the Sunshine State officially declared Crocs as its state shoe, a decision marinated in both controversy and beer. The proclamation, signed today by Governor Rick “Gator” Sanchez while wearing a pair of Crocs bedazzled with miniature plastic flamingos and marijuana leaves, sets the […]
In a jaw-dropping fusion of noise and natural gas, The Flatulent Phantoms, a punk band from Brooklyn, have released their latest album, ‘Wind Beneath My Buttcheeks.’ This audio assault, recorded entirely with kazoos and their own flatulence, erupted onto the scene like a fart in church. Lead singer Johnny ‘Toots’ McClane, known for his poetic […]
In a surprising turn of events, a wedding ceremony at a waffle house in Tallahassee became the talk of the town as local resident Carl Jenkins tied the knot with a 6-foot alligator named Lulabelle. This unconventional union was sealed under the neon lights and syrupy aroma of the establishment before an audience of befuddled […]
In an incident that has local authorities scratching their heads and neighbors clutching their sides, a 78-year-old grandmother was found inebriated and waving a garden hoe on the roof of her Spokane home, passionately arguing that she was warding off an imminent alien invasion. Police responded to the scene late last night, interrupting what appeared […]
In a shocking turn of events more suited to a wild LSD trip than reality, Boise, Idaho resident Trevor Jenkins was hospitalized after attempting to vape an entire family-sized bag of Doritos using a contraption that can only be described as a bong from the fifth circle of hell. Witnesses report that the 28-year-old had […]
In an unprecedented cosmic labor dispute that could only happen on a Monday, a disgruntled alien from the Zogthar Quadrant dramatically quit its janitorial position at NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena, California, citing unsatisfactory pay and a shocking lack of interstellar benefits. The extraterrestrial known as Zil’arak, who had been quietly working under the […]
In an incident that would make even Sid Vicious blush, a seventh-grade student at Lincoln Middle School in Columbus, Ohio, incited a lunchroom mosh pit that resulted in chaos and several spilled trays of questionable beef stroganoff. Witnesses say the pint-sized punk pulled off his hoodie to reveal a spiked leather vest before launching himself […]
In a lawsuit that has left legal experts clutching their pearls and fast-food enthusiasts shaking their heads, an Illinois woman is suing the popular dating app Tinder for emotional distress after her date took her to an Arby’s in downtown Chicago on their first rendezvous. Sheila Greenberg claims her expectations were utterly defiled when instead […]