Author: Ava Rodriguez

Subway Rat Declares Mayoral Candidacy, Leads in Polls

In a shocking twist that could only happen in New York City, a subway rat has declared its candidacy for mayor, boldly announcing its campaign while riding atop a discarded dildo, causing quite the commotion at Times Square Station. The rat, dubbed ‘Remy the Ruler,’ held a press conference with a makeshift podium constructed from […]

Punk Couple Gets Engaged at Circle K Bathroom, Divorce at Same Spot

On September 2, 2025, in an unusual twist of fate and the scent of industrial-grade disinfectant, a punk couple sealed their love affair with a raw promise in the bathroom of a Circle K located in Tucson, Arizona. Known only by their stage names, Spit and Lipstick, the couple declared their engagement amidst the hum […]

Punk Show Shut Down After Crowd Surfs Entire Horse

In an unexpected turn of events at a local punk show in Portland, Oregon last night, a full-sized horse was successfully crowd-surfed from the mosh pit to the stage, causing chaos and delight in equal measure. The show, hosted at the iconic Crystal Ballroom, was abruptly shut down when organizers realized that their insurance policy […]

Local Punk Arrested After Mosh Pit Breaks Out at Waffle House

In a shocking turn of events this past Saturday night, a local punk rock aficionado was apprehended at a Nashville Waffle House after inciting a full-fledged mosh pit within the confines of the breakfast joint. Patrons were caught off guard as greasy hash browns flew through the air like projectile missiles amidst a cacophony of […]

Canada, Mexico Leaders to Meet in September – Mostly to Avoid Talking to the U.S.

OTTAWA – Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney and Mexican President Claudia Sheinbaum Pardo are slated to meet this September for what officials are calling a “historic bilateral summit of meaningful silence.” The two leaders, citing a shared interest in “strategic hemispheric cooperation,” confirmed that no official agenda has been set — aside from deliberately not […]

Fortune 500 CEO Announces Company Will Now Pay Employees in NFTs of Their Own Work Emails

In a groundbreaking move that has left many industry insiders scratching their heads, CEO Jonathan P. Winkleman of TechCorp announced on October 15, 2023, that all employees will now receive their salaries in the form of NFTs representing their own work emails. This innovative compensation strategy aims to elevate employee ownership, although some skeptics question […]

Coca-Cola Admits New Flavor Was Just Tap Water All Along

On August 12, 2025, Coca-Cola made headlines as it revealed that its much-hyped new beverage flavor, ‘Crisp Cascade,’ was nothing more than glorified tap water. The announcement, made during a live-streamed press conference from Atlanta, Georgia, was accompanied by an oddly cheerful tap dance performance by the CEO, who claimed it was a ‘refreshing twist’ […]

Declassified Files Reveal ‘Interplanetary Phenomenon Unit’ Once Tasked With Interviewing Rocks ‘Just in Case’

WASHINGTON – Newly declassified military records have shed light on the operations of the long-rumored Interplanetary Phenomenon Unit (IPU), a Cold War–era task force dedicated to investigating UFOs and potential extraterrestrial threats. Among the most bizarre revelations: field agents were once required to conduct “preemptive interviews” with unusually shaped rocks. According to the documents, the […]