In a bizarre incident on September 2, 2025, Jesus Christ was reportedly escorted out of a Walmart in Tulsa, Oklahoma, after being caught attempting to shoplift several bottles of red wine. Witnesses claim the messianic figure was spotted stuffing Cabernet Sauvignon into his robe while mumbling something about it being “for the last supper, part […]
WASHINGTON – In a move both bewildering and oddly poetic, former President Donald Trump has reportedly secured “more time” for Vladimir Putin – and tossed in a bouquet of flowers, just because. The gesture, officials say, is “less about diplomacy and more about D.C.-style charm,” encapsulated perfectly by Trump’s vow to “give Putin a ring […]
LVIV, UKRAINE – What began as a diplomatic “solidarity gathering” with beer, folk music, and a modest outdoor tent quickly spiraled into one of the most controversial episodes of Ukraine’s wartime diplomacy. Multiple European diplomats woke up Saturday morning aboard an unmarked NATO transport aircraft, groggy and confused, headed to an unscheduled summit with former […]
AUSTIN, TX – August 16, 2025In an unprecedented act of digital self-sabotage, local sysadmin accidentally blacklisted his own IP address from accessing his web server Saturday morning, temporarily halting all incoming spam, DDoS attempts, and suspicious Russian SSH logins – effectively making the internet “safe” for nearly 16 seconds. Witnesses report the moment as eerily […]
Round Rock, TX – Cybersecurity experts have disclosed a new vulnerability, dubbed “ReVault,” affecting Dell’s ControlVault3 firmware on more than 100 laptop models. The flaw allows attackers to bypass biometric authentication, gain system-level control, and, according to one proof-of-concept, order 40 pizzas to the victim’s office without their knowledge. The attack works by exploiting a […]
In a stunning development on October 15, 2023, Antarctica’s largest ice shelf, known as the Ross Ice Shelf, reportedly gained sentience and declared independence from the rest of the world. Scientists at the Antarctic Research Center in McMurdo Station were taken aback when the ice structure, which is roughly the size of France, began sending […]
In a groundbreaking experiment conducted at the California Institute of Technological Culinary Sciences, researchers announced on October 15, 2023, that they have successfully crossbred an avocado with a Wi-Fi router, resulting in a revolutionary product: self-updating guacamole. This culinary marvel not only ripens on its own but also streams the latest news and weather updates […]
In a groundbreaking development reported on August 12, 2025, scientists at the Rodent Research Institute in Des Moines, Iowa, have observed something truly unprecedented: lab mice have formed a union. This surprising turn of events began when a group of particularly ambitious mice decided that their maze-running duties were insufficiently compensated, especially given the recent […]
On August 12, 2025, marine biologists at the Oceanic Institute of Apology Studies in San Francisco reported that the world’s oceans have reached a definitive stance on remorse, stating they simply will no longer accept apologies for climate change. This groundbreaking revelation came after researchers conducted a series of deep-sea dives, where they discovered an […]
KYIV – Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky hailed European leaders’ commitment to ensuring Ukraine’s seat at the negotiating table, even as Moscow continues to signal its discontent. The pledge came during a Brussels summit that saw diplomats openly discussing frameworks for a post-war settlement. But leaked photos from inside the planning chamber have drawn attention for […]