In a bizarre twist during their fifth wedding anniversary celebration, Sarah Jenkins, a 32-year-old yoga instructor from Venice Beach, shocked her guests by announcing her divorce from her husband, Dave. The reason: his refusal to gobble down her infamous marijuana edibles. Dave, apparently more interested in the local strip club’s Taco Tuesday than his wife’s […]
Brooklyn’s notorious dive, The Rusty Nail, has hired an unlikely bouncer: a German Shepherd named Brutus, who combines the loyalty of a loyal pooch with the ferocity of a loan shark on meth. Within days, Brutus had already nipped the cheeks of several patrons who dared to sidestep the ID policy, leaving more hickeys than […]
In an unexpected collision of cultural worlds, an inebriated punk rocker identified only as ‘Skid Mark’ was apprehended last night after disrupting a Beethoven concert at Carnegie Hall by flinging beer cans with an abandon typically reserved for mosh pits and frat parties. Security was alerted when a particularly well-aimed can narrowly missed the lead […]
In a surprising twist, the notorious squat house on the corner of Haight and Ashbury has declared itself a vegan sanctuary, yet the bathroom still reeks like a slaughterhouse after a frat party. The residents, known for their DIY ethos and questionable hygiene practices, made the announcement via a hand-written manifesto taped to the door, […]
In a surprising twist of divine intervention or technical mishap, Pastor Ezekiel Rivers of the Holy Redeemer Church in Austin, Texas, accidentally broadcasted his entire Sunday sermon live on Grindr, the popular gay dating app. Intended to reach the faithful on Facebook Live, the broadcast instead showed up amidst a sea of shirtless torsos and […]
In an incident that rocked the local YMCA, a punk rock show on September 2, 2025, ended with police intervention after a performer dove off the stage straight into a kiddie pool filled with porn magazines. Eyewitnesses reported that the frontman of the band, known only as ‘Gutter Joe’, leaped from a six-foot-high stage, his […]
In an unexpected twist of crowdfunding gone awry, Jeremy “Squeaky” Thompson, a well-known member of the punk scene in Portland, Maine, has reportedly blown his GoFundMe donations meant for a new guitar on an impressive amount of weed. According to local sources, by the time the smoke had cleared—both figuratively and literally—Thompson was left with […]
In what local authorities are calling both a breakthrough in scientific research and an alarming disregard for retail ethics, Susan McElroy was apprehended on September 2, 2025, at a Brooklyn Walgreens for attempting to abscond with over 400 condoms. According to the police report, McElroy, a self-proclaimed sexologist, justified her actions by declaring that the […]
On September 2, 2025, Reverend John Smothers of the First Baptist Church in Kansas City unwittingly consumed THC-infused gummy bears before a Sunday service, leading him to announce mid-sermon that Jesus Christ himself had shown up in his vision wearing board shorts and proclaiming, “All this judgment stuff? Total bummer.” Parishioners reportedly gasped as the […]
In an unprecedented turn of events at Franklin High, a tinder incident flared up when junior punk rocker Jamie “Sticks” Callahan wielded drumsticks like a Viking berserker during the annual dodgeball tournament, resulting in his expulsion. Witnesses report that Callahan, a part-time drummer and full-time anarchist, turned the gym into a medieval battlefield, launching rubber […]